Stupidity… Not YOU?


   Stupidity is everywhere and in their own minds, people are using it to make our society a safer place. Peoples stupidity is the basis of Hey Get Off My Lawn. Here are a few examples of what we consider stupid, from our good buddy Matt Roberts over at

—The idiots who wear a football jersey to play fantasy football.


— Paul Walker’s daughter suing Porsche because her dad was a fucking dolt who knowingly got into the car to drag race on a public street and then died when the car crashed and caught fire.


   Now you’re getting the idea. Here are a few more for you from Hey Get Off My Lawn and PLEASE feel free to add your examples of stupid in the comment section.

—The woman that sued McDonalds because her coffee was to hot. Now the rest of civilization has to bring the coffee home and microwave it.


   This suing at the drop of a hat, seems to be a problem in the US. People sue for the littlest things. It shows the public a couple of things, you’re stupid and greedy. If you don’t think the public is saying that, you might want to buy a “little bus” with your winnings, to get around in. It also shows the public that you don’t care what people think of you…. hell, you’re rich you shouldn’t care what others, in your little trailer park of Life, think.
I’m sure somewhere in you’re warped little minds you’re saying, I’m sure making a world a safer place by doing this.” OK, moving on.


—How about the guy that spends $800 on a truck or car. Then spends $1500 jacking it up 4 feet and adds a rapping muffler and pipes to make people think he’s driving a Semi. Then adds a $2000 stereo system that’s heard 4 miles away. Remember, studies have shown, the higher your truck is jacked up…the lower your IQ.


— IKEA — kids have been getting caught up in the cords on Venetian type blinds. There have been a few deaths as well. IKEA say’s they’ll now stop selling the killer blinds. Others are following. This begs the question, Just how stupid are the parents not to notice this danger? What does it take to pound a nail high up on the wall, to keep the cord out of the reach of kids?
Yes IKEA avoid that frivolous lawsuit.


— Donald Trump—Has made the whole World look at the Election process of the United States and….laugh. In just about every election in the World from Civic to National, there is always one candidate that walks the fine edge of being serious and having folks say, “oh that’s the idiot”. But really, to have him lead in the polls, that’s embarking on the stupid train.


—The person that’s turning left and put’s his signal light on, half way thru the turn. Or people that leave their signal light on…. through all the phases of the Moon.
You could spend hours if not days, listing the stupid things that people do while driving. The fact is that you might not be a generally stupid person but when you get behind the wheel, you will do stupid things and I’m one of those on occasion.


   It’s around us everywhere. Just think without stupidity Comedians would have an extremely hard time getting material. CNN and other news outlets would have to start showing porn or something, because there’d be no stories. How many times have you watched the news and said, “That’s just Stupid”? Stupidity, I guess, makes us better people and more self aware, just by looking at the stupid and saying, “Damn I’m so lucky, I’m not that guy.”
This reminds me of the saying, “If you can’t laugh at yourself, please allow me to do it for you.” Until you hear the laughter, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn!”I-m-allegic-to-stupidity

BRYAN COX (Author/Speaker/Comedian/Lover of the Back/Slash)

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In The News…in Pictures

Gary Owens

In the News….

USA bombs Afghan Hospital, Afghanistan replies by saying, “So that’s what you call, OBomba Care”


The Anonymous Protester group ask police to ban Smoke Bombs saying they’re “unethical”. Police forces Worldwide, now opt for the use of the impenetrable line of VW Jettas.maxresdefaultUS Speaker of the House John Boehner show up to work wearing this over his head….and no one notices any change.


In Canada it’s Thanksgiving in the middle of an election. Here are the 3 leaders Mulcair, Trudeau and Harper on the campaign trail….you try to figure who’s leading.Governor's Turkey Hunt, 2012-1 copyMore and more people are saying that if Trump wins and becomes President, they’ll leave the US. In a related story, Syria say’s, they’ll take refugees. an-overcrowded-boat-filled-with-refugees-ap_1In entertainment news, two movies take centre stage.
The first is a survival story of a dentist set a drift from his mind…good luck buddy. Life of PiThe other block buster is about a US Gun Control lobbyist looking for support from the NRA or anyone in Government.


Bryan Cox  (Speaker/Writer/Humourist/Lover of the Back/Slash)

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A Look at Halloween 2015

Here’s a quick comedy audio look at the best costumes for Halloween. Have a listen and maybe a giggle.

I Really WISH You Didn’t

   The Children’s Wish Foundation just did something I wish they hadn’t. They brought out a “Collector Card Series” or what they call the, “Wish Hero Series” featuring a sick child on each card. There are 6 cards in the series.

   After seeing the Director on a TV interview saying YES to the question, “You buy one ticket for the Childrens’s Wish Lottery, you get a card, you buy 2 tickets you get another ticket.” So I report.. “When you buy a ticket for the Children’s Wish Lottery, they send you a card to start your collection along with your ticket.” she told me via phone, my information was WRONG. When I brought up the TV interview she replied, “I couldn’t correct him on live TV!”12001087_1142164262479786_4883225065240092503_o

   These children are suffering through life threatening illness and have asked the Wish Foundation to grant them a special wish. Then with the help of sponsors and private donations the wish is granted.

When I worked with the Foundation, one of our goals was to make the child happy with the granted wish and never put the child in the public eye. The reason was that the child is and has been going through enough facing mortality. That seems to have changed, to flaunting the child in front of the public.
One argument is, that these cards show where your donation is going. That begs the questions, do you really need a picture of a sick child to make you feel better? Will you take your collection to parties and trade with friends?

I don’t know if you remember back in the 90’s when the Serial Killer Collector Card series caused a National outcry. Then there was the True Crime Series. Granted, those were pretty grotesque and is at the other end of the spectrum.

If collecting pictures of sick kids floats your boat, then we should have a bigger series of cards, “The Syrian Refugee Collection”, collect them all 1 through 2,000,000. How about starting the collection off with the picture of that poor baby on the beach. The Cancer Society could bring out picture cards to show how cancer ravages the body. Oh wait, they do that on every cigarette package in Canada. Not as far as I know, is anyone cutting those pictures out and trading them. Cig Pack Canada

Oh here’s another idea, a card collection with pictures of all the men and women that signed up on Ashley Madison. Proceeds could go to Children’s Shelters.
The Children’s Wish Foundation does great work and has made children smile with over 22,000 wishes granted. In my opinion, whoever came up with the idea of a Card collection, was way off the mark. I have to add that the Wish Foundation told me, that all of the kids and families of these “carded” children were if full favour of this campaign and have signed a Publicity Release. The kids want help other children and call themselves “Wish Forward Kids.”

 Please keep helping the kids. If anyone or a sponsor needs proof that you’re helping, send them a personal letter with the details, not a Card Collection. So in this case, CWF Hey, Get Off My Lawn.

Bryan Cox (Radio Host/Speaker/Humorist/Lover of the Back/Slash)

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What You Can’t Wear … To Vote (part 2)


   Canada’s election is fully underway. Very soon we’ll be asked to go to the polls and make our well educated X count. I contacted Elections Canada and they supplied me with some shocking information. Looks like Canada’s Election Fashion Police will be out in full force because there’s a law about what you wear while voting. Here’s what Elections Canada send me…
       166. (1) No person shall
o    (a) post or display in, or on the exterior surface of, a polling place any campaign literature or other material that could be taken as an indication of support for or opposition to a political party that is listed on the ballot under the name of a candidate or the election of a candidate;
o    (b) while in a polling station, wear any emblem, flag, banner or other thing that indicates that the person supports or opposes any candidate or political party that is listed on the ballot under the name of a candidate, or the political or other opinions entertained, or supposed to be entertained, by the candidate or party; and
o    (c) in a polling station or in any place where voting at an election is taking place, influence electors to vote or refrain from voting or vote or refrain from voting for a particular candidate.

   Oh Yes kids, what you wear might get you tossed out of your polling station. You can not wear a logo from any registered Canadian political party. They can ask you to remove the item or they can remove you.
Let’s have a look. A real westerner, shows up to vote in BC, SK, AB, NWT and your child is in the fashionable One-Zee …
Bloc One-Z
   You can’t use the excuse that you really thought the Bloc Quebecois was just a French lego type toy. Sorry, you can be turned away at the polls, even if the nearest Bloc candidate is 1000 miles away.

   If you’re feeling a little animalistic and are looking at the Rhinoceros Party just remember, that in a CTV interview the 8 time candidate Francois Gourd said, “We are a Marxist-Lennonist party you see here, From Groucho Marx to John Lennon.”
Rhino Party
   Please stay away from any clothing that even hints at the Rhinoceros, like our subtle sample above.

   The Green Party has come out with something that will surely get you booted out of any poll on election day. The Green Party has embraced the Mother of invention. After a tough day of tree hugging and you know what hugging leads to, yes, tree kissing. The party has come up with something that will help you… Green Party Lip Balm
   Which makes me think of the best pick up line in the Green Party, “Hey is that a lip balm in your pocket or are you…..”

   Pass the nachos please. Another Party that you cannot portray in any way at the poll on election day is Canada’s Marijuana Party. When asked for ID at the poll, don’t, with your cheezy stained fingers, show them your medical marijuana card. If you’re dressed in this;
marijuana Party
   Don’t worry, everyone is looking at you, you’re not paranoid. This is a no no.

   With all that you can’t wear at the polls please remember that it is legal to be TOPLESS. What ever you do, don’t dance in. This would bring a whole new meaning to “POLE Dancing.” But if all you were wearing was this fine accessory from the Liberal Party… you will be turfed out.
   The Election Fashion Police can ask you to remove such clothing. Remember if you take this off, you’ll have no where to tuck all those 5’s that have been thrown at you.

   You are the cool one, got places pierced, got some tatts but nothing says “rebel” more than getting out to vote. You might change the whole country. Just watch out there are great tattoos but then there’s this one…
Conservative Tattoo
   Oh come on, if you got that…I would pay all the money from my g-string, to watch them try to remove it.

   We in Canada have, get this, The Pirate Party. It real and legit. Elections Canada tells us that nothing that says Pirate can be worn. Please put away your knee high boots, sword, tri-tipped hat complete with feathers. The parrot goes back in the cage for another 4 years. Even if your optometrist has told you to keep it on, you might have to remove this if you want to vote…
   The Pirate Party Eye Patch is something that might cause a big mess at the poll, because the Government is starting to mess with peoples physical disabilities.

   You can see what can and cannot be worn in Canada. Speaking of the Government messing with freedoms. Here is one thing, if it was to ever happen, that would throw Canada for a big loop. We’d have to hold 5 or 6 Royal Commissions, go to Supreme Court and hold a National discussion.
Just imagine that is someone was to walk into a polling station wearing this…WOW, Do you remove it or not?
N D P Niqab 2
   Really folks, I think people know who they are going to vote for by the time they reach the voting booth. How many of us have gone out to vote and at the last minute saw a button or sign and said, “Hey I’m changing my vote” I really hope you got a smile out of what this archaic election law could mean. Let’s get all your friends and anyone who you know that would go topless and GET OUT AND VOTE or Hey, Get Off My Lawn!

BRYAN COX, (Radio Host/Speaker/Comedian/Author/Lover of ther Back/Slash

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Hey Get Off My Lawn Webpage

How to Laugh at Adversity (The Talk)

Ok, Gave It Up, Call Me A Quitter!


    Well, it’s been around the 6 month mark of not smoking. After 2 bouts with Cancer, putting up with constant nagging from Doctors, family to good friends, I thought maybe, it’s time. 40 years was long enough. It wasn’t the doctors that got to me. Oh God, their stuff is just getting old. They blame *everything* on the fact you smoke. You walk in with a broken toe because you stubbed it, the doc says…”Well the reason you toe broke is because you probably had smoke in your eyes and couldn’t see where you were you were going…I can’t stress enough, QUIT SMOKING”Blah Blah Blah.

   Damn, I loved it though. I find myself cruising used car lots finding and sitting in the cars that were smoked in. I’m even putting car air fresheners in my meat smoker and letting them slow roast over a pack Benson and Hedges, then selling them on the “I used to smoke” Black Market. I’m kind of in a space like a food addict would be in, when he discovers there’s a food channel.

   Life changes for you and those around you when you don’t smoke. Some good and some bad.

   Loneliness? oh hell ya, No more going outside when it’s -40 making new friends with folks that love to say, “Cold enough for ya”.


   NOW, I have to be like every other guy on the Planet and fall asleep after SEX, because there’s no more smokin’ SORRY ladies no more chatting.  OK, I can here the jokes…”what no more smokin’, have you looked?”


  Yes folks, thanks to me band-aid companies will go broke and thousands will be out of job. No more going to pull the cigarette out of my mouth and as my fingers slide down just to have the burning end comes off between my fore and middle finger.

Finger burn

   Yes it will be my fault that the environment will end up in the more saving my empties to afford a 15 dollar (Canada) pack of smokes. Yes, this is also a picture of every lonely non smoking Canadian Comedian, in his natural Habitat.


   One good thing about quiting smoking, is that there is more of an employment opportunity for kids coming out of school …. in the Anger Management field.

anger management

   No more burn marks on my cars back seat. That’s right no more butts being pushed back in the car by the wind when I flick them out of the window. This means we can say GOOD BYE to the Mom and Pop Car Upholstery business.


   I thought because I owned an iPhone and a Mac computer made me enough of a self righteous ass. Now lets add in, the looking down your nose non-smoker, Holy Crap, pretty soon this will be me. It’s always so nice …above the water.

Walk on water
But back to that Loneliness thing again.

   Come to think of it, I had more friends when I smoked. I think because I was more of an even keel. Sure I make fun of it, but know it’s better for me and everyone else that hangs out around me. This bit, by the way, was only about quitting smoking cigarettes.  Even though I don’t use them any more, I’m still in love with Cigarettes, ….butt soon, very soon I’ll be able to  say to them, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”.

Bryan Cox,  (Radio Host/Comedian/Speaker/Author/Lover of the Back/Slash

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Political Advertising Theft in CANADA


   In another post we took apart McDonalds for not being creative in their choices. Now you won’t believe what the National political parties in Canada are doing. They are proving that they’re about as creative as the Summer TV schedule…RE-RUNS!

   The advent of the “Political Attack Ad” is kind of a new thing in Canada compared to other Countries. One reason is, the first commandment from the tablets that were handed down from a mountain somewhere in Banff, is “Thou Shall NOT Offend”. Times have changed Canadian Politicians have walked to the edge of the advertising precipice and have gazed down on the results of negative ads from our neighbours to the South.

  In 2011 the NDP hire a big ad agency to come up with an ad that attacks, but in a nice way. This was for a local election.

Skipping ahead to election 2015 the Conservative Party comes out and I might add, first out of the advertising gate. You know with the attitude, “Hit em first, Hit em hard”. The only problem is, that they came out with an ad the NDP used years before in a local Manitoba market. The Conservatives ran the hell out of that old NDP idea and really made it their own. Here’s The Progressive Conservative Ad 2015…does it look like something you’ve seen before?

Now the NDP have come out with an attack ad against the Conservative Party. You would think that out of the millions that are spent on creative political advertising, they could come up with an ad that could spark water cooler talk and news stories across the Nation. Nope, they just pay massive dollars to an ad agency, that sells them back their original idea. Now, if elected, the NDP look like they’ll govern with ideas stolen from others. No one remembers the old Manitoba ad at this point. Here’s the NEW and I stress NEW ad from the NDP

Listen here’s the bottom line. The NDP ad guys come up with the Idea, The Conservative ad guys steal that idea, The Liberals ad guys make fun of that idea, then the NDP ad guys use their commercial idea again.

Can the Canadian political parties only come up with ONE idea? They treating their advertising ideas like CTV, Global and CBC News treat a news story, kick the hell out of it over and over and over again. Out of the millions of creative ad’s that they could come out with, they all rally behind an old, now very tired, idea.

OFFER… I make some of my living from writing and Voicing commercials. I will come up with a completely new and fresh attack ad for any party, costing you only half of what you’re spending right now. Can we talk?? So until then…”Hey, Get Off My Lawn”

Bryan Cox (Radio Host/Author/Comedian/Speaker/Voice Actor and Producer/Lover of the Backslash)

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