Archive for the ‘Boomers’ Category

3 Possible Fake News Stories

The Medical Industry is in Bed with Soft Water Companies and Opthamologists

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Trips and Falls

To keep medicine rocking they need business so the soft water folks are working with them to make tubs and showers super slippery. You know what I mean if you’ve ever showered in soft water. You end up doing some kind of weird Michael Jackson dance when trying to get out or in. Just how many people that fall and injure themselves, have soft water?
Plus, they say that you should listen to your favourite song in the shower. To save water, you should be finished when the song ends. With soft water, to get that real squeaky feel to your skin like with hard water, the song should be In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida or any entire Beethoven Symphony.

 

Another group that add to trips and falls, especially for older folks, are the optometrists and opthamologists. These Doctors prescribe Bi-Focals which are now called “progressive lenses”. If you don’t have them, let me explain, each lens is made up with two parts, when you look through the top half of the glass you see normally. When you look through the bottom half everything looks huge, which is good for reading. The question is, do folks wearing progressive lenses fall on stairs more because they are looking through the bottom half?

falling-downThese stairs must look huge. I myself, offer them to my wife when I come to bed (Wink Wink)

Big Brother is Watching???

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Where I live the phone company offers a lot. They offer a TV service with a ton of channels, Phone service, Internet and even home security. So if the police want to find you or find out about you, all they have to do is make one call …to the phone company. They’ll know if you’re home or not home, who you’re talking to, what TV shows you like and what kind of porn you like.

                                                   Your DNA is Under Attack

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Recently I’ve noticed a huge advertising push for DNA. If the cops were to come up to you on the street and ask for your DNA, I’m pretty sure I’d know what you’d say. If a company advertises for your DNA with an offer that they’ll tell you where you came from and what diseases you “might” get, that’s just fine. All you have to do is send them a sample of your DNA and you pay them to do that. One commercial stands out. A lady says, a lot of my friends ask me, what am I? So she sends her DNA in and finds out she’s…asian, indian and whatever. Listen, if you’ve people are coming up to you and asking what you are…you need to find a better group of “friends”, girl.

 
Here it is, you send you’re DNA to a company you don’t know and they send you some pie chart of fluffy information back in the mail. What then, is your DNA kept on file for law enforcement agencies? Is it being used in experiments? Is your DNA being spliced with an alien life form that they captured years before? Oh, and they have them, you know that. I’ve also found out that those DNA kits don’t make the best baby shower gift!

 

This was just a little finger poking fun at some of the “theories” that are out there. So watch out for Fake News because this is the kind of stuff they grab on to.

                                       Always question never accept!

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and humble guy)

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Top 15 Signs of Age and Aging

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Hey, Baby Boomer so you’re getting older and you don’t know what to expect. Try these on for size.

 

You know you’re getting old….when you can remember the day when you could pronounce all the NHL’s players names, Mahovlich was the hardest. (Canada)

 

When someone offers you a “joint” now you automatically think, ‘would that be a knee or hip?’

 

You order the super TV pack, just because it has the Weather Channel.

 

Back in the day, we remember yelling “Hey, Culligan Man”. Today we know why. He’s the only one that’ll come running when you slip in the tub.

 

Becoming a senior is great, because if you happen to end up in prison, you won’t be getting all those romantic looks from cellblock D.

 

Becoming a senior means you understand you really won’t be getting romantic looks from anyone.

 

Getting older means some bodily functions are like swallowing scrabble tiles. You know one good sneeze, could spell disaster.

 

When you and your buddies wanted to go to the Drive-In. The ones with no money always got in….in the trunk.
You can remember when a “Race Issue” was arguing about who ran the fastest.

 

We finally understand why babies are so cantankerous … plastic and paper underwear.

 

The kids today love the movie”Frozen.” We lived it, always playing hockey on an outdoor rink no matter the temperature. (Canada and Alaska)

 

You end up having to wear Bi-Focals or the new term, Progressive Lenses. This is good guys, everything is so much larger when you look through the bottom half of the glasses. Just make your wife wear them to bed.

 

You remember how our sense of humour was formed around Grade One. OH, how our parents laughed, when you asked for a ride to school. “What are ya kid, some kind of comedian?”

 

Remembering that when you had a job, phoning in fake sick on the weekend was not an option. Your parents made you go to work. Hey, they’d even give you a ride. A ride to school NO WAY but ride to work…Oh, Hell Ya!

 

To the old and young never be afraid to speak out and up. The most important saying you need to know that can apply to so may people and so much in your life, is “Hey, Get Off My Lawn!”

 

You think that the Led Zeppelin cover band performing at the old folks home, should have sang “Stairlift to Heaven.”
   So to the seniors that are feeling shelved, it’s time to get up read a paper, watch the news, learn something new on the computer and most important of all, stay engaged with your surroundings with a sense of humour. Don’t let yesterday use up to much of today.
   To all the kids and grandkids, call you’re parents and tell them you’re thinking of them and you love them, while you still have the chance. Remember you always learn lessons from their past, which gives you the future, where you can apply them.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you laughed give it a “like” and pass it on. If you didn’t “Hey Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Speaker, Comedian and Author)

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Is GM Helping Perverts?

  Now with my tongue planted securely in my cheek, I shall continue.

 

   Video games, movies and TV have been blamed for teaching violence. How many times have we heard in the wake of a tragic event, “It was a movie that gave him that idea.” People get ideas about the most sick things from media or maybe playing a Beatles album backwards.

 

   Now, GM is walking a very thin line when it comes to giving the sick…ideas. Is it just me that finds this creepy, but have you seen the TV commercial where an older man is inviting kids to play a video game then tells them to get in a GM vehicle because it has free Wi-Fi and everyone can play? The reason I explained the commercial is because as soon as GM reads this they’ll take this video off of YouTube.

 

 

   We all know the reasoning behind the spot. Get kids to tell their parents to buy GM because of Wi-Fi.
Parents have never been more vigilant about protecting their kids from the sick and perverted in our society.
I guess that GM has moved the perverts into a new age with free Wi-Fi. No longer will they use the old ploys, “Hey kid, I have this lost puppy” or “Do you want some candy?” Now parents will have to watch out for this….

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Come on GM get with the program and find another way to promote free Wi-Fi in your vehicles. Until then, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Stand-Up and Speaker)

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What Radio and TV Sales Won’t Tell You

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   You know when someone tells you a joke that you’ve heard a million times before, your mind zones out. You don’t hear any of it, all you’re doing is dying for the end and then you politely laugh. Or you stop the joke teller, like 4 sec into the joke with “Oh, I’ve heard that one before.”

 

   The same holds true for commercials. Radio or TV it doesn’t matter. With the advent of digital media the audience attention span has really shortened. On the internet you approximately 4 secs before your audience is gone. So if a page on your website or a video loads slowly, you’ve lost them. If you run the same commercial for a month, day in and day out, your audience gets tired of it and zones out. Any married woman can tell you,”I keep telling my husband over and over and over, it’s like he never hears me! It’s called “Listener Fatigue.”

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Ad agencies, radio and TV sales people won’t tell you this. Remember they want to make a sale. They make their money on the time of day and how many times your commercial airs. Was they will tell you is that thousands will hear your commercial. But how many will be bored with it by the 5th playing? They rarely think of what the audience sees and hears. Yes, your commercial. This is the bread and butter to help your business succeed.

   It’s time the ad, radio and TV people get off the pot and tell clients the truth. Repetition is not the way to go, but a new fresh message is.Repetition

   There are few companies that keep their message fresh. Off the top of my head on the TV side, Geico and Canadian Tire come to mind. I’m sure you can think of a few more. As a company and if you’re planning an ad campaign, keep it fresh. This goes for TV networks, OMG, change up your promos once and awhile.

 

   Most agencies would sell a client one over priced spot. Radio stations will sell them one spot as well. Radio also tell the client that they’ll produce it for free. WOW, what an offer. Yes, that commercial will be read by the guy you hear on 30 other spots. Oh, that’ll make your spot stand out. It would be like trying to find Donald Trump in a field of Egos. Here’s a hint, use a voice that isn’t normally heard in your marketplace.

 

I’m lucky to work with creative clients that want to do radio. Depending on the length of their campaign, I don’t ever sell them just one ad. Let’s say they’re going to advertise for 3 weeks with 5 spots per day, 2 in morning drive and 3 in afternoon drive. I do 3 spots for them under the same theme, advertising a different aspect of the sale or business. They can run a different spot for a week or rotate the 3 spots evenly over the 3 week run. These spots are listened to more and longer, because they are listener fresh. The client gets this for a price that would be half or less a big agency would charge for one commercial.

 

Try this Mr Business owner, the next time you are visited by a radio sales guy, ask for 3 different spots for your sale at the price you’re paying. Believe me, those guys can grind out spots in no time and it won’t take them that much longer to make you a happy camper.
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In this time of down turned economies every business has to work that much harder and smarter, for a positive bottom line. It’s time that agencies, radio and TV jumped on board. Remember, clients want you to go that extra mile. Ad agencies, radio and TV sales seem to be offering less, for more money. A happy client, is a return client, and they’ll tell two friends and so on. It’s time we all got down to business and if you can’t, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox  (Radio Host, Speaker, Author, Comedian)

Contact

bryan@sasktel.net

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The Top 8 Saskatchewan Travel Tips

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   Ok Canada, if you’re going to make Saskatchewan your travel destination this year, here are a few tips to help make your vacation an unforgettable experience.

 

GOLF…. We have some of the most challenging courses in Canada. Roughly, we golf for 3 months out of the year. For some of us it takes that long to finish a game. Saskatchewan is the easiest Province to achieve a “Hole in One”.  The ball will go in the hole, but watch out, it might be a gopher hole. In our game, that’s still a hole in one. 0706sask_ground

HOOKING UP….. Saskatchewan people are super friendly. Guys, a never fail line to use if you want to meet a Saskatchewan single girl in, let’s say in a parking lot, is, “Hey, nice truck.” Ladies, meeting the perfect Saskatchewan man is a bit different. Just say, “Hey, which one of these trucks is yours, is it the one with the stereo I heard 5 blocks away?” Before you know it, both of you will be off to the Tractor Pull together.

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PREPPING YOUR VEHICLE…. People in Saskatchewan will tell you, leave your snow tires on until the end of July. Good advice, take it.

 

DRIVING… Yes, our land is flat and our roads are straight. There is a method to this madness. The whole purpose, is so that the Government can count the amount people moving back to Sask from Alberta and Manitoba, without leaving Regina.

 

FITTING IN… To truly fit in you have to look like a Saskatchewan person. Your face tan should start just above the eyebrow, down to the base of the neck. This is achieved by wearing a ball cap, everywhere. The only other area that should have a tan, starts mid-bicep to the tip of the fingers. We call that “The Farmer Tan.” Guys, never refer to your spouse as, my better half, my wife or the old lady. Always call her “The Wife.”

 

NIGHTLIFE… People in the Province love going out to restaurants. After all, the word “Chew” is in “Saskatchewan”. Leave that custom made suit or designer dress at home. Ask yourself what the locals ask themselves, “Can I wear jeans? Or do I have to dress up… in my good jeans?” The “Ball Cap” with a John Deere logo is always considered a great accessory.

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POLITICS… To let you know, The Saskatchewan Party is in power here. As you can tell they must have stayed up all night to come up with that party name. Things don’t change to much here. The Sask Party has been the Government since 2007.

 

TIME… Like the Government, it doesn’t change. As the rest of Canada wastes time trying to figure out, is it an hour ahead or behind, we in Saskatchewan don’t change our clocks. Some call us “The Land Time Forgot.”

 

   Saskatchewan isn’t the “you can watch your dog run away for three days” Province. We have a lot to offer the vacation traveller. Our people are fun and have huge hearts. Safe travels and watch out for deer and moose and if you think Saskatchewan is boring… “Hey, Get Off My Lawn!”

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Speaker, Author and Stand-Up Comic)

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The Top 8 New North Carolina Concerts

“First in Flight” that’s what it says on North Carolina license plates. Maybe they should change that to “First to Slight.” Their draconian anti-gay laws are causing shock waves Worldwide. 

 

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 Entertainers have stepped up and refused to play the State because of it. The list is growing day by day, Bruce Springsteen, Miley Cyrus, Ringo Starr even Circus du Soleil. I say, don’t worry North Carolina, there are a lot of acts out there that will keep you entertained.

 

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Some acts haven’t cancelled but have spoken out against your anti-gay laws, like Jimmy Buffett, who by the way, hasn’t had a real hit since 1977. You’ll still be able to see Cyndi Lauper, who had a massive hit in 1983 and Greg Allman will still perform and I’m sure you’ll sing along with his hit “Ramblin’ Man” from 1973. Sounds to me you welcome the old acts. Next it’ll be “The Spinners”, not the singing act but the guy that spins plates on sticks, whose last big gig was on the “Ed Sullivan Show.”

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This summer look for an action packed replacement Concert Calender North Carolina.
                         — Rock out to “Bruce Springstern”, a very “serious” cover band.
                         — Then “Bingo Stars” will be drumming on fresh deer hide stretched over 50 gallon oil drums” Like the Blue Man Group but with a twinge of “Hillbilly”
                         — For all old North Carolina men, it’s the must see replacement Miley Cyrus concert….. Just a stripper.

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Don’t cry Circus fans, replacing the amazing Circus du Soleil there’s “Billy Bob’s Armadillo and Flea Circus.” The kids will be itching to go to that one.
   We can’t forget what North Carolina is known for, Comedy. This summer and all through the year, you’ll be treated to entertainments best Comedians. All the laughs will be supplied by the politicians you voted for.

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2016 called and they want you to join in North Carolina. Until then “Hey Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Speaker, Author)

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The Razor Blade Made Radio

Razor-Blades__74514_zoom   The little razor blade played a big part in radio broadcasting. DJ’s, Production and News people, pretty well everybody at the radio station, had a use for this tiny sharpie. During the 20’s and right up to the 50’s it wasn’t used much but through the 60’s through to the 90’s it was a mainstay in radio studios everywhere. One of the main uses of the razor blade was editing taped interviews, songs, commercials and oh, so much more.

   Working with just the ear and a grease pencil one could become very adept at almost seeing sound on the audio tape.

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   In the hippy era DJ’s had long hair, very unshaven proving we were cool, but we still had to go out and do live broadcasts from an advertisers location (doing a “remote”). Management and or the radio salesman would hand you a hint, before you went out saying “Clean up your act!”

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   Then there was the all important “Show Prep” for announcers in the 60’s and on. “Show Prep happened before a shift or sometimes during, usually during an album cut like “Inna-A-Godda-Davida.”

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   Being an announcer back in the day meant that you had to exist on Mac & Cheese and if you wanted to splurge…wieners. When you brought leftovers to work the next day, to spice things up a bit, the razor blade came in handy.

Razor Onion

   There were those special days at the radio station when record reps would drop by. They’d want you to play their latest act. The reps always had goodies like key chains, tee-shirts, free albums to hand out to the staff and management. Announcers loved all these incentives. It was always amazing that an act could become a mega group, just for a keychain or a something where a razor blade was needed.

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   Announcers thought they knew what the listener wanted and management thought they knew what the listener wanted, thus there were some disagreements. Like when the Top 40 Station Manager or Program Director heard an announcer play something that wasn’t on the playlist or just didn’t like a song…the razor blade came into use one more time.

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   Some might not know how the lowly razor blade helped personality radio from the 50’s through the 90’s but as you can see it did. For those that worked in radio during that time you know it was a lot of FUN. It was the best job you could have with a Grade 12 education.
Radio has lost a lot of face but we now see that “Personality Radio” is alive and well with its shift to the internet. Good on ya, keep up the great work. As for the “Razor Blade” well it’s gone back to saving faces. Gonna miss ya little buddy!

Bryan Cox ( Radio Host, Speaker, Comic and Author)

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