Archive for the ‘Canada’ Category

10 New Murphy’s Laws

A New Look at Murphy’s Law

Murphy’s Law (“If anything can go wrong, it will”) was born at Edwards Air Force Base in 1949 at North Base.

 

It was named after Capt. Edward A. Murphy, an engineer working on Air Force Projects.

 

After finding a transducer was wired wrong, he cursed the technician responsible and said, “If there is any way to do it wrong, he’ll find it.”

 

It’s been said about Murphy’s death, “One dark evening, Mr. Murphy’s car ran out of gas. As he hitchhiked to a gas station, while facing traffic and wearing white, he was struck from behind by a British tourist who was driving on the wrong side of the road.”

 

Nowadays we see that Murphy’s Law is still alive and well. Here are 10 quick examples for you.

 

–Fill the open tray bird feeder…It will snow or rain.

 

–At the intersection, the guy in front of you will alway turn his signal light on as the light turns green.

 

–The airport washroom automatic faucet will turn off way before your finished washing your hands.

 

–When sending an email, you will forget “send to all.”

 

–The quicker you need information from the internet, is directly correlated with password memory.

 

–Waiting for a meal at a restaurant, you know it will arrive, just as you go outside for a smoke or go to the washroom.

 

–Guys, when your wife asks you to do something, you will realize that you did it wrong and it will be pointed out that there are better ways of doing it.

 

–When you fill your tank, the price of gas will fall the next day.

 

–Your cat will have puked directly in your path, as you walk out of a dark room in bare feet.

 

–The day that 5 hookers send you friend requests on Facebook, you wife decides to check your page.

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Speaker)

A FAKE Back Story for “The Voice”

 

   I’ve noticed on Reality TV shows that all the contestants have some kind of back story. Some don’t. Recently on “The Voice” there has been one contestant heart wrenching story followed by an even more wrenching story. Very few contestants don’t have them…SO if you’re going to appear, and want to be a winner, on any of these shows let me help you with your back story, using “The Voice” as an example.

 

  “I’ve always loved to sing. My Dad, whose in prison and suffering from Cancer, told me that, just before he lost a leg because of a prison riot. I was raised by my uncle in Canada. He was the front man of a well known rock group. He encouraged me to sing. Then he got cancer and played that card to make millions on his final tour. I never knew my Mom because, when I was very little, she was on a fishing trip off the coast of Newfoundland in Canada, while visiting my uncle. She fell over board and was shredded by sharks. They found pieces of her all up and down the eastern seaboard. On his death bed my uncle gave me the money to get here. To honour my Mother, I’d like sing “Little Piece of My Heart”… by Janis Joplin”

 

Bryan Cox (Author, Radio Host, Comedian)

 

 

 

15 Things I Trust More Than Donald Trump

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15 THINGS I TRUST MORE THAN DONALD TRUMP

–Mexican tap water

–“Are you sure we should be playing this game Holy Father”?

–A tanning holiday at Fukushima 


–“Really honey, just the tip”


–Any food from a gas station


–Petroleum companies (Exxon, Shell) are honest.


–Picking up and eating my spilled fry’s, from the floor of a strip club.


–Anything Kanye says.


–Fox News


–Taking medication from Bill Cosby

–No Chinese product will ever be re-called

–VW will win an environmental award.

–“Really, it’s just a cold sore!” (Jim Sax)

–Both of my proctologist’s hands on my shoulders during an exam. (Rudy Martinez)

–When a Black man runs from a cop and no injuries happen.

Bryan Cox (Stand-Up, Radio Host, Voice Actor, Author)

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3 Possible Fake News Stories

The Medical Industry is in Bed with Soft Water Companies and Opthamologists

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Trips and Falls

To keep medicine rocking they need business so the soft water folks are working with them to make tubs and showers super slippery. You know what I mean if you’ve ever showered in soft water. You end up doing some kind of weird Michael Jackson dance when trying to get out or in. Just how many people that fall and injure themselves, have soft water?
Plus, they say that you should listen to your favourite song in the shower. To save water, you should be finished when the song ends. With soft water, to get that real squeaky feel to your skin like with hard water, the song should be In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida or any entire Beethoven Symphony.

 

Another group that add to trips and falls, especially for older folks, are the optometrists and opthamologists. These Doctors prescribe Bi-Focals which are now called “progressive lenses”. If you don’t have them, let me explain, each lens is made up with two parts, when you look through the top half of the glass you see normally. When you look through the bottom half everything looks huge, which is good for reading. The question is, do folks wearing progressive lenses fall on stairs more because they are looking through the bottom half?

falling-downThese stairs must look huge. I myself, offer them to my wife when I come to bed (Wink Wink)

Big Brother is Watching???

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Where I live the phone company offers a lot. They offer a TV service with a ton of channels, Phone service, Internet and even home security. So if the police want to find you or find out about you, all they have to do is make one call …to the phone company. They’ll know if you’re home or not home, who you’re talking to, what TV shows you like and what kind of porn you like.

                                                   Your DNA is Under Attack

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Recently I’ve noticed a huge advertising push for DNA. If the cops were to come up to you on the street and ask for your DNA, I’m pretty sure I’d know what you’d say. If a company advertises for your DNA with an offer that they’ll tell you where you came from and what diseases you “might” get, that’s just fine. All you have to do is send them a sample of your DNA and you pay them to do that. One commercial stands out. A lady says, a lot of my friends ask me, what am I? So she sends her DNA in and finds out she’s…asian, indian and whatever. Listen, if you’ve people are coming up to you and asking what you are…you need to find a better group of “friends”, girl.

 
Here it is, you send you’re DNA to a company you don’t know and they send you some pie chart of fluffy information back in the mail. What then, is your DNA kept on file for law enforcement agencies? Is it being used in experiments? Is your DNA being spliced with an alien life form that they captured years before? Oh, and they have them, you know that. I’ve also found out that those DNA kits don’t make the best baby shower gift!

 

This was just a little finger poking fun at some of the “theories” that are out there. So watch out for Fake News because this is the kind of stuff they grab on to.

                                       Always question never accept!

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and humble guy)

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McDonalds Now Cooks Children

 

 

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Remember the good old days when a Happy Meal toy would only cause your child to choke and gag a bit? McDonalds are recalling 33 million Chinese made,
“Step-It” fitness trackers that were the toy in the “Happy Meal”. The reason is, they tend to burn and or give heat related rashes to the children that wear them.

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   McDonalds was trying to show a corporate image that they care about obesity in children, by getting kids up and moving. Intentions were good with that. Really though, a child will become obese if they are bed ridden in the burn ward. On the other hand, they might lose weight by not eating as much only using their one good hand because the other is wrapped in bandages.

   

This is just another example of corporate greed. Let’s get a really cheap product made in China and give it away. My guess is that Corporations like McDonalds haven’t learned from recalls of toys like Barbie and Polly Pocket, pet foods, milk powder, tires, paint and now Step-It fitness trackers. All have caused death or serious injury. If you want to stay a away from a swirling PR cesspool nightmare, give your head a shake, Chinese products SUCK!

   

It’s time Corporations like McDonalds and many others, show the customer, not the shareholder, that they care about them. To McDonalds, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.” Cook burgers, NOT CHILDREN.

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and Speaker)

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Is GM Helping Perverts?

  Now with my tongue planted securely in my cheek, I shall continue.

 

   Video games, movies and TV have been blamed for teaching violence. How many times have we heard in the wake of a tragic event, “It was a movie that gave him that idea.” People get ideas about the most sick things from media or maybe playing a Beatles album backwards.

 

   Now, GM is walking a very thin line when it comes to giving the sick…ideas. Is it just me that finds this creepy, but have you seen the TV commercial where an older man is inviting kids to play a video game then tells them to get in a GM vehicle because it has free Wi-Fi and everyone can play? The reason I explained the commercial is because as soon as GM reads this they’ll take this video off of YouTube.

 

 

   We all know the reasoning behind the spot. Get kids to tell their parents to buy GM because of Wi-Fi.
Parents have never been more vigilant about protecting their kids from the sick and perverted in our society.
I guess that GM has moved the perverts into a new age with free Wi-Fi. No longer will they use the old ploys, “Hey kid, I have this lost puppy” or “Do you want some candy?” Now parents will have to watch out for this….

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Come on GM get with the program and find another way to promote free Wi-Fi in your vehicles. Until then, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Stand-Up and Speaker)

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What Radio and TV Sales Won’t Tell You

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   You know when someone tells you a joke that you’ve heard a million times before, your mind zones out. You don’t hear any of it, all you’re doing is dying for the end and then you politely laugh. Or you stop the joke teller, like 4 sec into the joke with “Oh, I’ve heard that one before.”

 

   The same holds true for commercials. Radio or TV it doesn’t matter. With the advent of digital media the audience attention span has really shortened. On the internet you approximately 4 secs before your audience is gone. So if a page on your website or a video loads slowly, you’ve lost them. If you run the same commercial for a month, day in and day out, your audience gets tired of it and zones out. Any married woman can tell you,”I keep telling my husband over and over and over, it’s like he never hears me! It’s called “Listener Fatigue.”

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Ad agencies, radio and TV sales people won’t tell you this. Remember they want to make a sale. They make their money on the time of day and how many times your commercial airs. Was they will tell you is that thousands will hear your commercial. But how many will be bored with it by the 5th playing? They rarely think of what the audience sees and hears. Yes, your commercial. This is the bread and butter to help your business succeed.

   It’s time the ad, radio and TV people get off the pot and tell clients the truth. Repetition is not the way to go, but a new fresh message is.Repetition

   There are few companies that keep their message fresh. Off the top of my head on the TV side, Geico and Canadian Tire come to mind. I’m sure you can think of a few more. As a company and if you’re planning an ad campaign, keep it fresh. This goes for TV networks, OMG, change up your promos once and awhile.

 

   Most agencies would sell a client one over priced spot. Radio stations will sell them one spot as well. Radio also tell the client that they’ll produce it for free. WOW, what an offer. Yes, that commercial will be read by the guy you hear on 30 other spots. Oh, that’ll make your spot stand out. It would be like trying to find Donald Trump in a field of Egos. Here’s a hint, use a voice that isn’t normally heard in your marketplace.

 

I’m lucky to work with creative clients that want to do radio. Depending on the length of their campaign, I don’t ever sell them just one ad. Let’s say they’re going to advertise for 3 weeks with 5 spots per day, 2 in morning drive and 3 in afternoon drive. I do 3 spots for them under the same theme, advertising a different aspect of the sale or business. They can run a different spot for a week or rotate the 3 spots evenly over the 3 week run. These spots are listened to more and longer, because they are listener fresh. The client gets this for a price that would be half or less a big agency would charge for one commercial.

 

Try this Mr Business owner, the next time you are visited by a radio sales guy, ask for 3 different spots for your sale at the price you’re paying. Believe me, those guys can grind out spots in no time and it won’t take them that much longer to make you a happy camper.
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In this time of down turned economies every business has to work that much harder and smarter, for a positive bottom line. It’s time that agencies, radio and TV jumped on board. Remember, clients want you to go that extra mile. Ad agencies, radio and TV sales seem to be offering less, for more money. A happy client, is a return client, and they’ll tell two friends and so on. It’s time we all got down to business and if you can’t, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox  (Radio Host, Speaker, Author, Comedian)

Contact

bryan@sasktel.net

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