Archive for the ‘Celebrity’ Category

The Top 8 Things Donald Trump Will Do After

After months and months of nauseous, continuous coverage of Clinton and Trump, most folks want it to be over. So when it is actually over, this begs the question, what then for Donald Trump?

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The Top 8 things Donald Trump Will Do After The Election.

 

—He’ll hold gender sensitivity seminars for NFL Players.

—You remember you were told, when a boy hits or bullies you, it means he’s hot for you? The Donald will divorce and marry again. Happy Happy wedding day Megyn Kelly.

—Donald Trump could start up a luggage line, selling Bags of Deplorables.

—Mr. Trump will become buddies with more of Russia’s leadership. You can never have enough “Red Ties.”

—Rumour has it, He’ll record a new version of the Johnny Cash hit… “A Boy Named, I’ll Sue”

—Watch for the launch of Trump TV. He’ll put the Trump twist on some of the top rating getters like, “Orange is the New Trump”, “The Walking Trump”, Game of Trump Thrones” and so on.

 
— Don’t miss “The Donald Trump Hockey School.” This is where you’ll learn to, skate on taxes.

—The Donald will start up an on-line Men’s Discount Club called, “Grope-On.”

Just a few suggestions and thoughts for Mr. Trump if things don’t go your way in this election. For me, I’d like both candidates, “Off My Lawn”

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Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Comedian, Speaker)

Newspapers Sway the Vote

Saying the print media is fair and impartial today is like having a Kardashian get upset with the paparazzi.

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   What is happening people? I spent about 30 years in the radio and TV industries and when it came to politics we were always told to show both sides of a story. In Radio and TV, if you watch or listen long enough, you might see what side that network tends to “dress” to. Sure you’ve got certain hosts that are right or left, but very rarely do you have an entire network come out and endorse one candidate or the other. We were always told that if you were going to do a story on Politics, Religion, Sex or even that accident at the corner, just report the facts and as enticing as it may be, keep your personal opinions to yourself.

   Newspapers are a big part of the media landscape, whether online or printed. They’ve been around longer than radio or TV and were the source of news for hundreds of years. They too were always told to keep things impartial.
The *trusted and fair* print media, has really started to piss me off. It seems they’ve gone over the edge from having a few slanted opinion articles to a full blown voter convince-a-thon. The New York and LA Times along many more are actually coming out and endorsing one Presidential Candidate over the other. Even the National Enquirer has done an endorsement.

   Newspapers have an editorial board made up of big boss company executives, opinion writers and editors. They ask each candidate questions and if they all agree with the answers the newspaper endorses a candidate. So it comes down to if the movers and shakers in the company like it, that’s the law of the land.
The newsroom is separate and is to keep a impartial view of the candidates. We live in a time where newspaper business is hanging on by a thread. Just maybe, the “impartial” newsroom journalists are trying to figure out how to keep their job? This kind of reminds me of what every parent has said to their kid, “If everyone jumps off a bridge…are you going to jump off a bridge.?”

   People want to make up their own minds and not have you tell them how to vote. Now that you have shown bias, how can the public trust reporting?
What’s next for newspapers? I was thinking that there might be a few other endorsements that they’ve have missed,

salemwitchtrialsPuritanism … the only true religion. Join us for the NY Times endorsed witch burning in Times Square.

 

h35f2f219Kim Jong Un like Hitler… just a misunderstood guy with a cool haircut.

roger-ailes_and_bill_cosbySex…The LA Times endorses the Roger Ailes and Bill Cosby NFL “Sensitivity to Women” seminar.

   Most people make up their minds on who they’re going vote for from information supplied by the media. I praise the newspapers that have come out and stopped endorsing political candidates. That list is growing every election cycle. For the newspapers that think it’s their civic duty and still endorse, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.”

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Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Speaker and Author)

 

The Top 8 New North Carolina Concerts

“First in Flight” that’s what it says on North Carolina license plates. Maybe they should change that to “First to Slight.” Their draconian anti-gay laws are causing shock waves Worldwide. 

 

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 Entertainers have stepped up and refused to play the State because of it. The list is growing day by day, Bruce Springsteen, Miley Cyrus, Ringo Starr even Circus du Soleil. I say, don’t worry North Carolina, there are a lot of acts out there that will keep you entertained.

 

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Some acts haven’t cancelled but have spoken out against your anti-gay laws, like Jimmy Buffett, who by the way, hasn’t had a real hit since 1977. You’ll still be able to see Cyndi Lauper, who had a massive hit in 1983 and Greg Allman will still perform and I’m sure you’ll sing along with his hit “Ramblin’ Man” from 1973. Sounds to me you welcome the old acts. Next it’ll be “The Spinners”, not the singing act but the guy that spins plates on sticks, whose last big gig was on the “Ed Sullivan Show.”

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This summer look for an action packed replacement Concert Calender North Carolina.
                         — Rock out to “Bruce Springstern”, a very “serious” cover band.
                         — Then “Bingo Stars” will be drumming on fresh deer hide stretched over 50 gallon oil drums” Like the Blue Man Group but with a twinge of “Hillbilly”
                         — For all old North Carolina men, it’s the must see replacement Miley Cyrus concert….. Just a stripper.

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Don’t cry Circus fans, replacing the amazing Circus du Soleil there’s “Billy Bob’s Armadillo and Flea Circus.” The kids will be itching to go to that one.
   We can’t forget what North Carolina is known for, Comedy. This summer and all through the year, you’ll be treated to entertainments best Comedians. All the laughs will be supplied by the politicians you voted for.

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2016 called and they want you to join in North Carolina. Until then “Hey Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Speaker, Author)

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How a DUI gets you into Canadian Politics

 

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   Looks like a DUI criminal charge isn’t as bad as a free speech comment on Facebook. It’s election time in Saskatchewan. The NDP have 2 candidates with DUI charges and 4 with Facebook charges that make you say, “Just how stupid can a person be.” The NDP have dropped the 4 Facebookers, but allowed the DUI’ers to run in the election.

 

 

  The Sask Party have 3 DUI’ers that are running in the election.
   Some of the candidates have multiple DUI charges, which means they can’t even enter the USA, for example. Why would you let a person that can’t enter a country due to criminal offences, help run a Province and Canada?
It’s been proven that drunk drivers have driven this way many times before getting caught. As you all know, drunk drivers put lives at risk, yes, people die because of their actions. They show blatant disregard for human life. Yet the NDP and the Sask Party let them run. How can either party stand up against drunk driving now?

 
   We all agree that Facebook comments can sometimes be cutting and above all, stupid. If one was going to be a candidate in an election the first thing they should do is take down their Facebook page. Why they didn’t think of that in the first place, really shows stupidity. The NDP has dropped 4 candidates because of stupid comments they made on Facebook. Sure the comments were ignorant, but we have free speech in Canada. We are allowed to show the country just how ignorant we are. People have died to protect free speech. The NDP have now come out and said, that free speech in not within party guidelines. Let the people decide if those comments are worth ruining a persons chance of helping a Province.

 
   As voters we are now left to vote for drunk drivers, who are way above stupid but can’t vote for just ignorant candidates. Both the NDP and the Sask Party should remember the old saying, “Sticks, a drunk driver and stones will break my bones even kill me, but names will never hurt me.”

 

 

 

To the NDP and The Saskatchwan Party… “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox (Author, Comic, Speaker, Radio Host)

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Darren Kavinoky from “Deadly Sins”

Darren Kavinoky and I sat down and had a great chat on the radio feature “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.” Darren has been seen on CNN, HLN, Inside Edition and on his own show “Deadly Sins” on Investigation Discovery. This interview is very revealing and give you a peek at the man behind the camera. Hope you enjoy this as much as I did chatting with him.

 

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and Speaker)

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Why the Canadian and American Chickens Crossed The Road?

Why The American Chicken Crossed The Road.

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DONALD TRUMP… We will build a big wall to keep illegal chickens from crossing the road. We will have a door for legal chickens.

JOHN KERRY… We will trust the chicken to tell us whether it crossed the road or not.

CHRIS CHRISTIE… We need to waterboard that chicken to find out why it crossed the road.

RAND PAUL… It’s none of our business why the chicken crossed the road.

NANCY PELOSI… We will have to wait until the chicken crosses the road to see what it says.

CARLY FIORINA… Hilary Clinton lied about why the chicken crossed the road.

BRIAN WILLIAMS… I crossed the road with the chicken.

BEN CARSON… This isn’t brain surgery. So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN… The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA… Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

HILLARY CLINTON… What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

BILL CLINTON… I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE… I invented the chicken.

AL SHARPTON… Why are all the chickens white?

COLONEL SANDERS aka Norm MacDonald… Did I miss one?

Why The Canadian Chicken Crossed The Road.

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NICKELBACK… To get away from Justin Beiber and say “Hi” to our fan.

MIKE DUFFY… I legally paid the Chicken to cross the road.

PAMELA WALLIN…What Mike said.

PHILIPPE COUILLARD (Premier of Quebec)…. He wanted to set up his own Chicken Country.

JUSTIN TRUDEAU… It’s not “Road” it’s called “Sunny Way” and to harvest some really nice “Bud”

TOM MULCAIR… He crossed the road to sing “It’s My Party” and “It’s Over”

ELIZABETH MAY… is the road solar powered? Can this chicken provide a carbon free sustainable environment? -I demand a national plebiscite!

STEPHEN HARPER… All chickens with Niqabs should have to remove them to cross the road. Nice hair, though.

BRAD WALL (Premier of Saskatchewan)…To set up our own Pipeline that no one wants, but let it be known, those eastern bastards will freeze.

DAVID FURNISH (married to Elton John) … I’m just glad the Chicken came out of the Coop.

JEAN CHRETIEN…Because I’d choke dat Polet wit de Shawinigan Handshake.

KEVIN O’LEARY (Canadian Millionaire) …. The chicken did the work crossing the road and earned the right … to gaze at ME.

CONRAD BLACK… The Chicken is and felt inadequate, because I know more than anybody or that Chicken.

BOB PAULSON (Commissioner of the RCMP)… To get out of the force. None of us laid a hand on that girl.

JUSTIN BEIBER…To retrive the eggs I throw and look for my talent.

HOWIE MANDEL…That Chicken is covered in germs…get away, get away.

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author, Speaker)

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Two Justin’s…Can We Tell Them Apart?

It used to be a term that you heard on newscast, “This Just In” or on phones at airports, “I’m just in, come and pick me up.” Canada is becoming known as the land of Justins. Two of the most famous are hard to tell apart. Let’s try;

 

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One throws insults in the House ….the other throws eggs at a house.

 

One was born with a silver spoon in his mouth….the other has a silver spoon around his nose.

 

One has a house full of fast and loose cars…the other has a house full of fast and loose Senators.

 

One gave an election promise of drug reform…the other, with all his fast living, might need drugs to get an erection.

 

One can say “pass the salt” in French and English because thats the law…And the “law” say’s to the other, “Here’s a charge of Assault.”

 

One’s named Trudeau…the other is rolling in dough.

 

One charges up a country with the slogan “Sunny Ways”… the other was charged with dangerous driving on “sunny way.”

 

One wants to legalize pot…the other wants Canada to smoke it, to get rid of pain… The pain of embarrassment.

 

One welcomes refugees from all over the World, but tells the US , “please keep that one.”

 

So it goes, the battle of the two Justin’s in the US and in Canada.

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host/Producer, Author, Comedian, Speaker) and Thanks to Paul Lander (Super Comedy Guy)

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