Archive for the ‘FX Networks’ Category

Would You Report.. a Jewish Family

There’s trouble looming on The Lawn. “Hey, Get Off My Lawn” has been my radio show for the last 10 years or so. It was so amazing how NBC ABC CBS FOX CNN and more, offered interviews with all their major stars. I felt so honoured. I even went as far as to copyright the show. Ah, not far enough.

 

Now, there is a group called CRTV (Gaston Mooney) and Gavin McInnes that feel it’s ok to use the name, “Get Off My Lawn”. I contacted them stating that I spent 10 years and many many unpaid hours building up that name and asked them to stop using it. They told me that “copyright” did not cover the name and I should have taken out a trademark. For my part..lesson learned the hard way. I shot myself in the foot.

 

If the law say’s it’s ok does that necessarily make it… right? There is a human side to this whole thing. Let’s say that Gaston Mooney and Gavin McInnes were working in Germany during WWII. The law said “Turn in a Jewish Family and you’ll be rewarded.” You (CRTV) would turn in a Jewish family for your own personal gain. You wouldn’t think, that maybe, you’re ruining a persons life, a person’s livelihood and reputation. This is the human side of your actions. Oh, but the law said it was ok, so that must make it “right.”

 

For all of you with an Internet Property that you want to protect please look at Trademark vs Copyright. It doesn’t matter how many hours you put into it…Just Protect It. I don’t want to see you ripped off like I was. REMEMBER…There are some very unscrupulous people out there, that are ready to steal every idea you’ve put out.

In my opinion, that when CRTV’s Gaston and Gavin are in the slime bar that they drink in, they should go to the bathroom, each buy a condom and stretch it over their entire body. Because if you’re going to be a DICK, you should really dress like one.

 

I wish you both luck with the stolen show name Get Off My Lawn.
From the original show, mine…Hey, CRTV..”Get The “FUCK” Off My Lawn!!!”
If you’d like to leave a comment, I’d love it. If you’d like to send a comment to Gaston Mooney and Gavin McInnes gmooney@crtv.com

This is my is my opinion

Bryan

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15 Things I Trust More Than Donald Trump

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15 THINGS I TRUST MORE THAN DONALD TRUMP

–Mexican tap water

–“Are you sure we should be playing this game Holy Father”?

–A tanning holiday at Fukushima 


–“Really honey, just the tip”


–Any food from a gas station


–Petroleum companies (Exxon, Shell) are honest.


–Picking up and eating my spilled fry’s, from the floor of a strip club.


–Anything Kanye says.


–Fox News


–Taking medication from Bill Cosby

–No Chinese product will ever be re-called

–VW will win an environmental award.

–“Really, it’s just a cold sore!” (Jim Sax)

–Both of my proctologist’s hands on my shoulders during an exam. (Rudy Martinez)

–When a Black man runs from a cop and no injuries happen.

Bryan Cox (Stand-Up, Radio Host, Voice Actor, Author)

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The Top 8 Things Donald Trump Will Do After

After months and months of nauseous, continuous coverage of Clinton and Trump, most folks want it to be over. So when it is actually over, this begs the question, what then for Donald Trump?

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The Top 8 things Donald Trump Will Do After The Election.

 

—He’ll hold gender sensitivity seminars for NFL Players.

—You remember you were told, when a boy hits or bullies you, it means he’s hot for you? The Donald will divorce and marry again. Happy Happy wedding day Megyn Kelly.

—Donald Trump could start up a luggage line, selling Bags of Deplorables.

—Mr. Trump will become buddies with more of Russia’s leadership. You can never have enough “Red Ties.”

—Rumour has it, He’ll record a new version of the Johnny Cash hit… “A Boy Named, I’ll Sue”

—Watch for the launch of Trump TV. He’ll put the Trump twist on some of the top rating getters like, “Orange is the New Trump”, “The Walking Trump”, Game of Trump Thrones” and so on.

 
— Don’t miss “The Donald Trump Hockey School.” This is where you’ll learn to, skate on taxes.

—The Donald will start up an on-line Men’s Discount Club called, “Grope-On.”

Just a few suggestions and thoughts for Mr. Trump if things don’t go your way in this election. For me, I’d like both candidates, “Off My Lawn”

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Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Comedian, Speaker)

Is GM Helping Perverts?

  Now with my tongue planted securely in my cheek, I shall continue.

 

   Video games, movies and TV have been blamed for teaching violence. How many times have we heard in the wake of a tragic event, “It was a movie that gave him that idea.” People get ideas about the most sick things from media or maybe playing a Beatles album backwards.

 

   Now, GM is walking a very thin line when it comes to giving the sick…ideas. Is it just me that finds this creepy, but have you seen the TV commercial where an older man is inviting kids to play a video game then tells them to get in a GM vehicle because it has free Wi-Fi and everyone can play? The reason I explained the commercial is because as soon as GM reads this they’ll take this video off of YouTube.

 

 

   We all know the reasoning behind the spot. Get kids to tell their parents to buy GM because of Wi-Fi.
Parents have never been more vigilant about protecting their kids from the sick and perverted in our society.
I guess that GM has moved the perverts into a new age with free Wi-Fi. No longer will they use the old ploys, “Hey kid, I have this lost puppy” or “Do you want some candy?” Now parents will have to watch out for this….

free-wifi-van

Come on GM get with the program and find another way to promote free Wi-Fi in your vehicles. Until then, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Stand-Up and Speaker)

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Political Correctness Over The Edge

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   Political Correctness is a subject that translates emotions from both sides of the fence into an exploding war of words. Discussion is good. So we’re going to discuss, names.

 

From one side of the fence when a person calls for a name change for a sports team, a mall or whatever, the other side thinks that group or person, “has way to much time on their hands.” If you keep reading, you’ll realize that I too, have way to much time.

 
   Recently in Canada, Natan Obed, president of Inuit Tapiriit Kanatami, a national Inuit organization, called for a name change of the CFL’s Edmonton Eskimos. He thinks the name is derogatory to First Nations peoples. This is a lot like what the Washington Redskins are going through. Speaking as an old school white guy, ok “Redskins” might be pushing the boundary a bit. We can all understand that one.

 
   If you want to get silly about things, the Chicago Bears or Detroit Lions should have PETA in a fighting mad mood. How can you malign good animals that? So what’s next, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers pissing off a Somalian Pirate Assoc.? The CFL’s Ottawa Red Blacks will have to do a name change, because I’m sure there’s a Communist Afro-Canadian Organization. Another sport will be touched as well, Womans Hockey. They’ll have to come up with a new name for each 20 minutes of play. There will be some feminist group complaining about the word “Period.”

 
   I’m mentioned all this because I’ve grown up with a name that could offend someone. When I worked in radio I had more than one boss ask me to change my name. “Cox” might offend people is what I heard. I grew up with the name and I’m proud of the name my Father gave me. So it’s not going to change. That explanation was good enough for any station I worked at. Do I stand up and yell that the poultry business having to change the name of Roosters? Oh Boo-hoo, someone might construe that I’m gutless and might think I’m a chicken. Bite me! I can’t tell how many times through school and at radio events that someone, thinking they’re so smart, has called me “Harry” or “Is your sisters name Anita?”. Now, as a stand-up comic, I can make fun of my name and I’m getting paid to do it. Who’s the smart one now?

 
   They say, that if you are picked on a lot, you grow up either really tough or you develop a sense of humour. I chose the latter. A lot of us wish that these complainers would do the same. Laughter is a gift, use it or Get Off My Lawn.

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author, Speaker)

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Top 8 Hazing Pranks At The G20 Summit

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   The new kid on the G20 block is Justin Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada. At just 43 he’s the youngest and the most inexperienced of all the G20 Leaders. Outside the doors of the G20 Summit, is the predictable circus of protesters. Little is known about what goes on behind the closed doors of this high power meeting except it has something to do with Money. As the each countries Prime Ministers, Chancellors, Kings and Grand Poo-Bah’s kick back and try to figure out the global economy, you have to think they can’t really be “serious” all the time. After minutes of research, I’ve found that out of all the countries involved the G20, there are a few jokers in the midst. You can bet that this noble group has rituals that are unknown to the general public. Like maybe, the hazing of new members. This brings us back to the young Canadian Prime Minister, Justine Trudeau. Here’s what’s in store for the fresh, new, young Canadian face at the G20….

 

 

Germany… These jokers of the EU will force Justin to pound back Jello Shots off of Angela Merkel’s chest.

 

 

The President of Indonesia, Joko Widodo …He makes Justin wear nothing but a thong at a meeting… This teaches Trudeau something every World leader knows, how to cover one’s ass.

 

 

Vladimir Putin from Russia…invites young Justin into the hotel freezer and tells him to stick your tongue on the metal door. After he tries in vane pull his frozen tongue off the door, Putin says…Sorry, I’ve only one form of warm liquid to free you. This teaches Trudeau … on the World stage, somethings can piss you off.

 

 

The President of CHINA…Amongst cheers from all the Leaders Trudeau has to give his laptop to Xi Jinping for 1 hour. Then without help, try to find the hack.

 

 

From Australia’s Prime Minister Malcom Turnbull…What a kidder he turns out to be. Malcom sticks a sign on Justin’s back saying, “Kick Me, I’m Canadian, watch me apologize”.

 

 

Salman, King of Saudi Arabia… Has a tried and true prank. He sneaks in while Trudeau is sleeping and puts his finger in a cup of warm oil.

 

 

Prime Minister David Cameron from the UK…Forces Justin to eat Haggis which is a sheeps stomach filled a surprise. Yes, with the stuff that comes out of the other end of the sheep. Trudeau cuts into it which releases the pressure.. BOOM…crap everywhere. Then he’s handed a note saying…”Hey kid, you have to learn to take some crap, some of the time”.

 

 

President of the United States Barack Obama… He’s got a real funny bone. At a lavish dinner he insists that Turkey is served (because the host country is Turkey, I guess). Before the turkey is cooked a small game hen is placed inside and cooked along with the massive bird. Then at dinner just as he’s about to carve it, he reaches inside and pulls out the small game hen. In a big voice he announces, “this turkey was to going to have a baby” and holding the game hen above his head, he states, “and we name it Justin”.

 

 

Here’s hoping all the leaders have a great time in Turkey at the G20 Summit. For Justin Trudeau this will be a learning experience and maybe a bit of fun will be had by all.

Bryan Cox (Speaker, Comedian, Author, Radio Host)

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What You Can’t Wear … To Vote (part 2)

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   Canada’s election is fully underway. Very soon we’ll be asked to go to the polls and make our well educated X count. I contacted Elections Canada and they supplied me with some shocking information. Looks like Canada’s Election Fashion Police will be out in full force because there’s a law about what you wear while voting. Here’s what Elections Canada send me…
       166. (1) No person shall
o    (a) post or display in, or on the exterior surface of, a polling place any campaign literature or other material that could be taken as an indication of support for or opposition to a political party that is listed on the ballot under the name of a candidate or the election of a candidate;
o    (b) while in a polling station, wear any emblem, flag, banner or other thing that indicates that the person supports or opposes any candidate or political party that is listed on the ballot under the name of a candidate, or the political or other opinions entertained, or supposed to be entertained, by the candidate or party; and
o    (c) in a polling station or in any place where voting at an election is taking place, influence electors to vote or refrain from voting or vote or refrain from voting for a particular candidate.

   Oh Yes kids, what you wear might get you tossed out of your polling station. You can not wear a logo from any registered Canadian political party. They can ask you to remove the item or they can remove you.
Let’s have a look. A real westerner, shows up to vote in BC, SK, AB, NWT and your child is in the fashionable One-Zee …
Bloc One-Z
   You can’t use the excuse that you really thought the Bloc Quebecois was just a French lego type toy. Sorry, you can be turned away at the polls, even if the nearest Bloc candidate is 1000 miles away.

   If you’re feeling a little animalistic and are looking at the Rhinoceros Party just remember, that in a CTV interview the 8 time candidate Francois Gourd said, “We are a Marxist-Lennonist party you see here, From Groucho Marx to John Lennon.”
Rhino Party
   Please stay away from any clothing that even hints at the Rhinoceros, like our subtle sample above.

   The Green Party has come out with something that will surely get you booted out of any poll on election day. The Green Party has embraced the Mother of invention. After a tough day of tree hugging and you know what hugging leads to, yes, tree kissing. The party has come up with something that will help you… Green Party Lip Balm
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   Which makes me think of the best pick up line in the Green Party, “Hey is that a lip balm in your pocket or are you…..”

   Pass the nachos please. Another Party that you cannot portray in any way at the poll on election day is Canada’s Marijuana Party. When asked for ID at the poll, don’t, with your cheezy stained fingers, show them your medical marijuana card. If you’re dressed in this;
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   Don’t worry, everyone is looking at you, you’re not paranoid. This is a no no.

   With all that you can’t wear at the polls please remember that it is legal to be TOPLESS. What ever you do, don’t dance in. This would bring a whole new meaning to “POLE Dancing.” But if all you were wearing was this fine accessory from the Liberal Party… you will be turfed out.
PIC OF LIBERAL
   The Election Fashion Police can ask you to remove such clothing. Remember if you take this off, you’ll have no where to tuck all those 5’s that have been thrown at you.

   You are the cool one, got places pierced, got some tatts but nothing says “rebel” more than getting out to vote. You might change the whole country. Just watch out there are great tattoos but then there’s this one…
Conservative Tattoo
   Oh come on, if you got that…I would pay all the money from my g-string, to watch them try to remove it.

   We in Canada have, get this, The Pirate Party. It real and legit. Elections Canada tells us that nothing that says Pirate can be worn. Please put away your knee high boots, sword, tri-tipped hat complete with feathers. The parrot goes back in the cage for another 4 years. Even if your optometrist has told you to keep it on, you might have to remove this if you want to vote…
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   The Pirate Party Eye Patch is something that might cause a big mess at the poll, because the Government is starting to mess with peoples physical disabilities.

   You can see what can and cannot be worn in Canada. Speaking of the Government messing with freedoms. Here is one thing, if it was to ever happen, that would throw Canada for a big loop. We’d have to hold 5 or 6 Royal Commissions, go to Supreme Court and hold a National discussion.
Just imagine that is someone was to walk into a polling station wearing this…WOW, Do you remove it or not?
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   Really folks, I think people know who they are going to vote for by the time they reach the voting booth. How many of us have gone out to vote and at the last minute saw a button or sign and said, “Hey I’m changing my vote” I really hope you got a smile out of what this archaic election law could mean. Let’s get all your friends and anyone who you know that would go topless and GET OUT AND VOTE or Hey, Get Off My Lawn!

BRYAN COX, (Radio Host/Speaker/Comedian/Author/Lover of ther Back/Slash

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Hey Get Off My Lawn Webpage

How to Laugh at Adversity (The Talk)