Archive for the ‘Internet’ Category

3 Possible Fake News Stories

The Medical Industry is in Bed with Soft Water Companies and Opthamologists

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Trips and Falls

To keep medicine rocking they need business so the soft water folks are working with them to make tubs and showers super slippery. You know what I mean if you’ve ever showered in soft water. You end up doing some kind of weird Michael Jackson dance when trying to get out or in. Just how many people that fall and injure themselves, have soft water?
Plus, they say that you should listen to your favourite song in the shower. To save water, you should be finished when the song ends. With soft water, to get that real squeaky feel to your skin like with hard water, the song should be In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida or any entire Beethoven Symphony.

 

Another group that add to trips and falls, especially for older folks, are the optometrists and opthamologists. These Doctors prescribe Bi-Focals which are now called “progressive lenses”. If you don’t have them, let me explain, each lens is made up with two parts, when you look through the top half of the glass you see normally. When you look through the bottom half everything looks huge, which is good for reading. The question is, do folks wearing progressive lenses fall on stairs more because they are looking through the bottom half?

falling-downThese stairs must look huge. I myself, offer them to my wife when I come to bed (Wink Wink)

Big Brother is Watching???

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Where I live the phone company offers a lot. They offer a TV service with a ton of channels, Phone service, Internet and even home security. So if the police want to find you or find out about you, all they have to do is make one call …to the phone company. They’ll know if you’re home or not home, who you’re talking to, what TV shows you like and what kind of porn you like.

                                                   Your DNA is Under Attack

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Recently I’ve noticed a huge advertising push for DNA. If the cops were to come up to you on the street and ask for your DNA, I’m pretty sure I’d know what you’d say. If a company advertises for your DNA with an offer that they’ll tell you where you came from and what diseases you “might” get, that’s just fine. All you have to do is send them a sample of your DNA and you pay them to do that. One commercial stands out. A lady says, a lot of my friends ask me, what am I? So she sends her DNA in and finds out she’s…asian, indian and whatever. Listen, if you’ve people are coming up to you and asking what you are…you need to find a better group of “friends”, girl.

 
Here it is, you send you’re DNA to a company you don’t know and they send you some pie chart of fluffy information back in the mail. What then, is your DNA kept on file for law enforcement agencies? Is it being used in experiments? Is your DNA being spliced with an alien life form that they captured years before? Oh, and they have them, you know that. I’ve also found out that those DNA kits don’t make the best baby shower gift!

 

This was just a little finger poking fun at some of the “theories” that are out there. So watch out for Fake News because this is the kind of stuff they grab on to.

                                       Always question never accept!

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and humble guy)

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The Top 8 Things Donald Trump Will Do After

After months and months of nauseous, continuous coverage of Clinton and Trump, most folks want it to be over. So when it is actually over, this begs the question, what then for Donald Trump?

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The Top 8 things Donald Trump Will Do After The Election.

 

—He’ll hold gender sensitivity seminars for NFL Players.

—You remember you were told, when a boy hits or bullies you, it means he’s hot for you? The Donald will divorce and marry again. Happy Happy wedding day Megyn Kelly.

—Donald Trump could start up a luggage line, selling Bags of Deplorables.

—Mr. Trump will become buddies with more of Russia’s leadership. You can never have enough “Red Ties.”

—Rumour has it, He’ll record a new version of the Johnny Cash hit… “A Boy Named, I’ll Sue”

—Watch for the launch of Trump TV. He’ll put the Trump twist on some of the top rating getters like, “Orange is the New Trump”, “The Walking Trump”, Game of Trump Thrones” and so on.

 
— Don’t miss “The Donald Trump Hockey School.” This is where you’ll learn to, skate on taxes.

—The Donald will start up an on-line Men’s Discount Club called, “Grope-On.”

Just a few suggestions and thoughts for Mr. Trump if things don’t go your way in this election. For me, I’d like both candidates, “Off My Lawn”

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Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Comedian, Speaker)

What Radio and TV Sales Won’t Tell You

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   You know when someone tells you a joke that you’ve heard a million times before, your mind zones out. You don’t hear any of it, all you’re doing is dying for the end and then you politely laugh. Or you stop the joke teller, like 4 sec into the joke with “Oh, I’ve heard that one before.”

 

   The same holds true for commercials. Radio or TV it doesn’t matter. With the advent of digital media the audience attention span has really shortened. On the internet you approximately 4 secs before your audience is gone. So if a page on your website or a video loads slowly, you’ve lost them. If you run the same commercial for a month, day in and day out, your audience gets tired of it and zones out. Any married woman can tell you,”I keep telling my husband over and over and over, it’s like he never hears me! It’s called “Listener Fatigue.”

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Ad agencies, radio and TV sales people won’t tell you this. Remember they want to make a sale. They make their money on the time of day and how many times your commercial airs. Was they will tell you is that thousands will hear your commercial. But how many will be bored with it by the 5th playing? They rarely think of what the audience sees and hears. Yes, your commercial. This is the bread and butter to help your business succeed.

   It’s time the ad, radio and TV people get off the pot and tell clients the truth. Repetition is not the way to go, but a new fresh message is.Repetition

   There are few companies that keep their message fresh. Off the top of my head on the TV side, Geico and Canadian Tire come to mind. I’m sure you can think of a few more. As a company and if you’re planning an ad campaign, keep it fresh. This goes for TV networks, OMG, change up your promos once and awhile.

 

   Most agencies would sell a client one over priced spot. Radio stations will sell them one spot as well. Radio also tell the client that they’ll produce it for free. WOW, what an offer. Yes, that commercial will be read by the guy you hear on 30 other spots. Oh, that’ll make your spot stand out. It would be like trying to find Donald Trump in a field of Egos. Here’s a hint, use a voice that isn’t normally heard in your marketplace.

 

I’m lucky to work with creative clients that want to do radio. Depending on the length of their campaign, I don’t ever sell them just one ad. Let’s say they’re going to advertise for 3 weeks with 5 spots per day, 2 in morning drive and 3 in afternoon drive. I do 3 spots for them under the same theme, advertising a different aspect of the sale or business. They can run a different spot for a week or rotate the 3 spots evenly over the 3 week run. These spots are listened to more and longer, because they are listener fresh. The client gets this for a price that would be half or less a big agency would charge for one commercial.

 

Try this Mr Business owner, the next time you are visited by a radio sales guy, ask for 3 different spots for your sale at the price you’re paying. Believe me, those guys can grind out spots in no time and it won’t take them that much longer to make you a happy camper.
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In this time of down turned economies every business has to work that much harder and smarter, for a positive bottom line. It’s time that agencies, radio and TV jumped on board. Remember, clients want you to go that extra mile. Ad agencies, radio and TV sales seem to be offering less, for more money. A happy client, is a return client, and they’ll tell two friends and so on. It’s time we all got down to business and if you can’t, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox  (Radio Host, Speaker, Author, Comedian)

Contact

bryan@sasktel.net

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The Razor Blade Made Radio

Razor-Blades__74514_zoom   The little razor blade played a big part in radio broadcasting. DJ’s, Production and News people, pretty well everybody at the radio station, had a use for this tiny sharpie. During the 20’s and right up to the 50’s it wasn’t used much but through the 60’s through to the 90’s it was a mainstay in radio studios everywhere. One of the main uses of the razor blade was editing taped interviews, songs, commercials and oh, so much more.

   Working with just the ear and a grease pencil one could become very adept at almost seeing sound on the audio tape.

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   In the hippy era DJ’s had long hair, very unshaven proving we were cool, but we still had to go out and do live broadcasts from an advertisers location (doing a “remote”). Management and or the radio salesman would hand you a hint, before you went out saying “Clean up your act!”

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   Then there was the all important “Show Prep” for announcers in the 60’s and on. “Show Prep happened before a shift or sometimes during, usually during an album cut like “Inna-A-Godda-Davida.”

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   Being an announcer back in the day meant that you had to exist on Mac & Cheese and if you wanted to splurge…wieners. When you brought leftovers to work the next day, to spice things up a bit, the razor blade came in handy.

Razor Onion

   There were those special days at the radio station when record reps would drop by. They’d want you to play their latest act. The reps always had goodies like key chains, tee-shirts, free albums to hand out to the staff and management. Announcers loved all these incentives. It was always amazing that an act could become a mega group, just for a keychain or a something where a razor blade was needed.

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   Announcers thought they knew what the listener wanted and management thought they knew what the listener wanted, thus there were some disagreements. Like when the Top 40 Station Manager or Program Director heard an announcer play something that wasn’t on the playlist or just didn’t like a song…the razor blade came into use one more time.

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   Some might not know how the lowly razor blade helped personality radio from the 50’s through the 90’s but as you can see it did. For those that worked in radio during that time you know it was a lot of FUN. It was the best job you could have with a Grade 12 education.
Radio has lost a lot of face but we now see that “Personality Radio” is alive and well with its shift to the internet. Good on ya, keep up the great work. As for the “Razor Blade” well it’s gone back to saving faces. Gonna miss ya little buddy!

Bryan Cox ( Radio Host, Speaker, Comic and Author)

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Darren Kavinoky from “Deadly Sins”

Darren Kavinoky and I sat down and had a great chat on the radio feature “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.” Darren has been seen on CNN, HLN, Inside Edition and on his own show “Deadly Sins” on Investigation Discovery. This interview is very revealing and give you a peek at the man behind the camera. Hope you enjoy this as much as I did chatting with him.

 

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and Speaker)

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“Ensure” Commercials Help the Homeless?

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    If you can’t laugh at yourself, please allow me to do it for you. The creativity of commercials really engage me. They’re the calling cards to show the World that you’re here and you should take notice of what they offer. When I see great commercials I actually send an email to the company and tell them just that. That makes me happy I work in the industry. When I see crap, it ends up here on the page, then that will be forwarded on to the company.
In the past we’ve scolded Canadian Political Parties for Ad Idea Theft http://wp.me/paHrp-g2 and caught McDonalds for the complete lack of creativity and copying the competition in their ads http://wp.me/paHrp-fR After mentioning this, they pulled their ad off of Youtube so I couldn’t use it as an example.

  We now take a look at a few commercials for Ensure. This is a nutritional drink. Their commercials seem to be aimed at the aging boomer. I’m not sure if these ads run in both Canada and the US. Canada has them for sure. I’ve looked for a copy of these spots on YouTube but they haven’t put them up yet or they realized they were so stupid , they took them down.

 

   Ensure commercial #1 that pisses me off.
Here’s what might have been pitched to Abbott, makers of Ensure, by some ad agency executive that was on meth or had been on 3 week bender before the presentation.

   A healthy looking man, maybe in his early 60’s is playing soccer, with what seems to be his grandson. There is a wooded area behind the huge grandfather guarded goal net. Boy kicks the ball and it goes over the net into the wooded area. Then we see a the plastic Ensure bottle start rolling down a hill bouncing and turning. Grandfather ends up behind the net looking for the ball. Low and behold a bottle of Ensure rolls up to his feet. He picks it up off the ground and drinks it.

   Ensure commercial #2 …pretty well the same as the first
A shot of a busy healthy woman, maybe in her late 50’s early 60’s. I’ve never been good a judging a woman’s age, so let’s move on. She’s shopping, running from place to place. Break away to a shot of a bottle of Ensure rolling, bouncing and turning through the city streets. The woman arrives at the bottom of a massive outdoor staircase, which would kill most out of shape climbers. She gazes up, just as the bottle of Ensure rolls down. She picks the bottle up and drinks it.

 

    I’m so much like you, whenever we see a bottle of anything sitting on the ground, we look around, then pick it up, and drink it. Come on, really? Picking crap up off the ground, then consume it? This begs the questions, are they marketing to the homeless? What kind of drugs are in Ensure that your parent company, Abbott, would fall for such a campaign? Did the advertising agency have a picture of Abbott management with a goat or something to make you go for this kind of advertising?

 

     Abbott you really got the wool pulled over your eyes by some smart talking, chart showing pitchman who does not live in the real world. You probably spent a fortune on those spots. So, to Abbott and the ad agency that came up with the creative for these spots, here’s a FREE idea encompassing another product you sell.

Pedialyte … replaces minerals and nutrient loss because of vomiting and diarrhea.
CommercialSomewhere in the hood, deep in a dimly lit back alley. We see 2 drug addicts puking their guts out. After they’re finished they decide to go dumpster diving and come up with a half used bottle of Pedialyte.
Voice over, which I’d be happy to supply you with, comes in, “Sometimes, you have to go DEEP for …RELIEF”.

 

   If you’re going to spend your advertising dollar on something make sure you get a product that shows you in a good light and not something that’s comical, unless you were going for comedy. Until you guys come down off of what your on, “Hey Get Off My Lawn” WAIT, Here’s a thought, I could throw stuff on my lawn and you could come over and eat it.

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Bryan Cox (Author/Speaker/Ad Critic/ Comedian/Lover of the back/slash)

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What You Can’t Wear … To Vote (part 2)

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   Canada’s election is fully underway. Very soon we’ll be asked to go to the polls and make our well educated X count. I contacted Elections Canada and they supplied me with some shocking information. Looks like Canada’s Election Fashion Police will be out in full force because there’s a law about what you wear while voting. Here’s what Elections Canada send me…
       166. (1) No person shall
o    (a) post or display in, or on the exterior surface of, a polling place any campaign literature or other material that could be taken as an indication of support for or opposition to a political party that is listed on the ballot under the name of a candidate or the election of a candidate;
o    (b) while in a polling station, wear any emblem, flag, banner or other thing that indicates that the person supports or opposes any candidate or political party that is listed on the ballot under the name of a candidate, or the political or other opinions entertained, or supposed to be entertained, by the candidate or party; and
o    (c) in a polling station or in any place where voting at an election is taking place, influence electors to vote or refrain from voting or vote or refrain from voting for a particular candidate.

   Oh Yes kids, what you wear might get you tossed out of your polling station. You can not wear a logo from any registered Canadian political party. They can ask you to remove the item or they can remove you.
Let’s have a look. A real westerner, shows up to vote in BC, SK, AB, NWT and your child is in the fashionable One-Zee …
Bloc One-Z
   You can’t use the excuse that you really thought the Bloc Quebecois was just a French lego type toy. Sorry, you can be turned away at the polls, even if the nearest Bloc candidate is 1000 miles away.

   If you’re feeling a little animalistic and are looking at the Rhinoceros Party just remember, that in a CTV interview the 8 time candidate Francois Gourd said, “We are a Marxist-Lennonist party you see here, From Groucho Marx to John Lennon.”
Rhino Party
   Please stay away from any clothing that even hints at the Rhinoceros, like our subtle sample above.

   The Green Party has come out with something that will surely get you booted out of any poll on election day. The Green Party has embraced the Mother of invention. After a tough day of tree hugging and you know what hugging leads to, yes, tree kissing. The party has come up with something that will help you… Green Party Lip Balm
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   Which makes me think of the best pick up line in the Green Party, “Hey is that a lip balm in your pocket or are you…..”

   Pass the nachos please. Another Party that you cannot portray in any way at the poll on election day is Canada’s Marijuana Party. When asked for ID at the poll, don’t, with your cheezy stained fingers, show them your medical marijuana card. If you’re dressed in this;
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   Don’t worry, everyone is looking at you, you’re not paranoid. This is a no no.

   With all that you can’t wear at the polls please remember that it is legal to be TOPLESS. What ever you do, don’t dance in. This would bring a whole new meaning to “POLE Dancing.” But if all you were wearing was this fine accessory from the Liberal Party… you will be turfed out.
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   The Election Fashion Police can ask you to remove such clothing. Remember if you take this off, you’ll have no where to tuck all those 5’s that have been thrown at you.

   You are the cool one, got places pierced, got some tatts but nothing says “rebel” more than getting out to vote. You might change the whole country. Just watch out there are great tattoos but then there’s this one…
Conservative Tattoo
   Oh come on, if you got that…I would pay all the money from my g-string, to watch them try to remove it.

   We in Canada have, get this, The Pirate Party. It real and legit. Elections Canada tells us that nothing that says Pirate can be worn. Please put away your knee high boots, sword, tri-tipped hat complete with feathers. The parrot goes back in the cage for another 4 years. Even if your optometrist has told you to keep it on, you might have to remove this if you want to vote…
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   The Pirate Party Eye Patch is something that might cause a big mess at the poll, because the Government is starting to mess with peoples physical disabilities.

   You can see what can and cannot be worn in Canada. Speaking of the Government messing with freedoms. Here is one thing, if it was to ever happen, that would throw Canada for a big loop. We’d have to hold 5 or 6 Royal Commissions, go to Supreme Court and hold a National discussion.
Just imagine that is someone was to walk into a polling station wearing this…WOW, Do you remove it or not?
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   Really folks, I think people know who they are going to vote for by the time they reach the voting booth. How many of us have gone out to vote and at the last minute saw a button or sign and said, “Hey I’m changing my vote” I really hope you got a smile out of what this archaic election law could mean. Let’s get all your friends and anyone who you know that would go topless and GET OUT AND VOTE or Hey, Get Off My Lawn!

BRYAN COX, (Radio Host/Speaker/Comedian/Author/Lover of ther Back/Slash

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How to Laugh at Adversity (The Talk)