Archive for the ‘Justin Trudeau’ Category

Why the Canadian and American Chickens Crossed The Road?

Why The American Chicken Crossed The Road.

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DONALD TRUMP… We will build a big wall to keep illegal chickens from crossing the road. We will have a door for legal chickens.

JOHN KERRY… We will trust the chicken to tell us whether it crossed the road or not.

CHRIS CHRISTIE… We need to waterboard that chicken to find out why it crossed the road.

RAND PAUL… It’s none of our business why the chicken crossed the road.

NANCY PELOSI… We will have to wait until the chicken crosses the road to see what it says.

CARLY FIORINA… Hilary Clinton lied about why the chicken crossed the road.

BRIAN WILLIAMS… I crossed the road with the chicken.

BEN CARSON… This isn’t brain surgery. So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN… The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA… Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

HILLARY CLINTON… What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

BILL CLINTON… I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE… I invented the chicken.

AL SHARPTON… Why are all the chickens white?

COLONEL SANDERS aka Norm MacDonald… Did I miss one?

Why The Canadian Chicken Crossed The Road.

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NICKELBACK… To get away from Justin Beiber and say “Hi” to our fan.

MIKE DUFFY… I legally paid the Chicken to cross the road.

PAMELA WALLIN…What Mike said.

PHILIPPE COUILLARD (Premier of Quebec)…. He wanted to set up his own Chicken Country.

JUSTIN TRUDEAU… It’s not “Road” it’s called “Sunny Way” and to harvest some really nice “Bud”

TOM MULCAIR… He crossed the road to sing “It’s My Party” and “It’s Over”

ELIZABETH MAY… is the road solar powered? Can this chicken provide a carbon free sustainable environment? -I demand a national plebiscite!

STEPHEN HARPER… All chickens with Niqabs should have to remove them to cross the road. Nice hair, though.

BRAD WALL (Premier of Saskatchewan)…To set up our own Pipeline that no one wants, but let it be known, those eastern bastards will freeze.

DAVID FURNISH (married to Elton John) … I’m just glad the Chicken came out of the Coop.

JEAN CHRETIEN…Because I’d choke dat Polet wit de Shawinigan Handshake.

KEVIN O’LEARY (Canadian Millionaire) …. The chicken did the work crossing the road and earned the right … to gaze at ME.

CONRAD BLACK… The Chicken is and felt inadequate, because I know more than anybody or that Chicken.

BOB PAULSON (Commissioner of the RCMP)… To get out of the force. None of us laid a hand on that girl.

JUSTIN BEIBER…To retrive the eggs I throw and look for my talent.

HOWIE MANDEL…That Chicken is covered in germs…get away, get away.

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author, Speaker)

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Two Justin’s…Can We Tell Them Apart?

It used to be a term that you heard on newscast, “This Just In” or on phones at airports, “I’m just in, come and pick me up.” Canada is becoming known as the land of Justins. Two of the most famous are hard to tell apart. Let’s try;

 

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One throws insults in the House ….the other throws eggs at a house.

 

One was born with a silver spoon in his mouth….the other has a silver spoon around his nose.

 

One has a house full of fast and loose cars…the other has a house full of fast and loose Senators.

 

One gave an election promise of drug reform…the other, with all his fast living, might need drugs to get an erection.

 

One can say “pass the salt” in French and English because thats the law…And the “law” say’s to the other, “Here’s a charge of Assault.”

 

One’s named Trudeau…the other is rolling in dough.

 

One charges up a country with the slogan “Sunny Ways”… the other was charged with dangerous driving on “sunny way.”

 

One wants to legalize pot…the other wants Canada to smoke it, to get rid of pain… The pain of embarrassment.

 

One welcomes refugees from all over the World, but tells the US , “please keep that one.”

 

So it goes, the battle of the two Justin’s in the US and in Canada.

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host/Producer, Author, Comedian, Speaker) and Thanks to Paul Lander (Super Comedy Guy)

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Top 8 Hazing Pranks At The G20 Summit

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   The new kid on the G20 block is Justin Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada. At just 43 he’s the youngest and the most inexperienced of all the G20 Leaders. Outside the doors of the G20 Summit, is the predictable circus of protesters. Little is known about what goes on behind the closed doors of this high power meeting except it has something to do with Money. As the each countries Prime Ministers, Chancellors, Kings and Grand Poo-Bah’s kick back and try to figure out the global economy, you have to think they can’t really be “serious” all the time. After minutes of research, I’ve found that out of all the countries involved the G20, there are a few jokers in the midst. You can bet that this noble group has rituals that are unknown to the general public. Like maybe, the hazing of new members. This brings us back to the young Canadian Prime Minister, Justine Trudeau. Here’s what’s in store for the fresh, new, young Canadian face at the G20….

 

 

Germany… These jokers of the EU will force Justin to pound back Jello Shots off of Angela Merkel’s chest.

 

 

The President of Indonesia, Joko Widodo …He makes Justin wear nothing but a thong at a meeting… This teaches Trudeau something every World leader knows, how to cover one’s ass.

 

 

Vladimir Putin from Russia…invites young Justin into the hotel freezer and tells him to stick your tongue on the metal door. After he tries in vane pull his frozen tongue off the door, Putin says…Sorry, I’ve only one form of warm liquid to free you. This teaches Trudeau … on the World stage, somethings can piss you off.

 

 

The President of CHINA…Amongst cheers from all the Leaders Trudeau has to give his laptop to Xi Jinping for 1 hour. Then without help, try to find the hack.

 

 

From Australia’s Prime Minister Malcom Turnbull…What a kidder he turns out to be. Malcom sticks a sign on Justin’s back saying, “Kick Me, I’m Canadian, watch me apologize”.

 

 

Salman, King of Saudi Arabia… Has a tried and true prank. He sneaks in while Trudeau is sleeping and puts his finger in a cup of warm oil.

 

 

Prime Minister David Cameron from the UK…Forces Justin to eat Haggis which is a sheeps stomach filled a surprise. Yes, with the stuff that comes out of the other end of the sheep. Trudeau cuts into it which releases the pressure.. BOOM…crap everywhere. Then he’s handed a note saying…”Hey kid, you have to learn to take some crap, some of the time”.

 

 

President of the United States Barack Obama… He’s got a real funny bone. At a lavish dinner he insists that Turkey is served (because the host country is Turkey, I guess). Before the turkey is cooked a small game hen is placed inside and cooked along with the massive bird. Then at dinner just as he’s about to carve it, he reaches inside and pulls out the small game hen. In a big voice he announces, “this turkey was to going to have a baby” and holding the game hen above his head, he states, “and we name it Justin”.

 

 

Here’s hoping all the leaders have a great time in Turkey at the G20 Summit. For Justin Trudeau this will be a learning experience and maybe a bit of fun will be had by all.

Bryan Cox (Speaker, Comedian, Author, Radio Host)

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