Archive for the ‘Kids’ Category

Top 15 Signs of Age and Aging

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Hey, Baby Boomer so you’re getting older and you don’t know what to expect. Try these on for size.

 

You know you’re getting old….when you can remember the day when you could pronounce all the NHL’s players names, Mahovlich was the hardest. (Canada)

 

When someone offers you a “joint” now you automatically think, ‘would that be a knee or hip?’

 

You order the super TV pack, just because it has the Weather Channel.

 

Back in the day, we remember yelling “Hey, Culligan Man”. Today we know why. He’s the only one that’ll come running when you slip in the tub.

 

Becoming a senior is great, because if you happen to end up in prison, you won’t be getting all those romantic looks from cellblock D.

 

Becoming a senior means you understand you really won’t be getting romantic looks from anyone.

 

Getting older means some bodily functions are like swallowing scrabble tiles. You know one good sneeze, could spell disaster.

 

When you and your buddies wanted to go to the Drive-In. The ones with no money always got in….in the trunk.
You can remember when a “Race Issue” was arguing about who ran the fastest.

 

We finally understand why babies are so cantankerous … plastic and paper underwear.

 

The kids today love the movie”Frozen.” We lived it, always playing hockey on an outdoor rink no matter the temperature. (Canada and Alaska)

 

You end up having to wear Bi-Focals or the new term, Progressive Lenses. This is good guys, everything is so much larger when you look through the bottom half of the glasses. Just make your wife wear them to bed.

 

You remember how our sense of humour was formed around Grade One. OH, how our parents laughed, when you asked for a ride to school. “What are ya kid, some kind of comedian?”

 

Remembering that when you had a job, phoning in fake sick on the weekend was not an option. Your parents made you go to work. Hey, they’d even give you a ride. A ride to school NO WAY but ride to work…Oh, Hell Ya!

 

To the old and young never be afraid to speak out and up. The most important saying you need to know that can apply to so may people and so much in your life, is “Hey, Get Off My Lawn!”

 

You think that the Led Zeppelin cover band performing at the old folks home, should have sang “Stairlift to Heaven.”
   So to the seniors that are feeling shelved, it’s time to get up read a paper, watch the news, learn something new on the computer and most important of all, stay engaged with your surroundings with a sense of humour. Don’t let yesterday use up to much of today.
   To all the kids and grandkids, call you’re parents and tell them you’re thinking of them and you love them, while you still have the chance. Remember you always learn lessons from their past, which gives you the future, where you can apply them.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you laughed give it a “like” and pass it on. If you didn’t “Hey Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Speaker, Comedian and Author)

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McDonalds Now Cooks Children

 

 

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Remember the good old days when a Happy Meal toy would only cause your child to choke and gag a bit? McDonalds are recalling 33 million Chinese made,
“Step-It” fitness trackers that were the toy in the “Happy Meal”. The reason is, they tend to burn and or give heat related rashes to the children that wear them.

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   McDonalds was trying to show a corporate image that they care about obesity in children, by getting kids up and moving. Intentions were good with that. Really though, a child will become obese if they are bed ridden in the burn ward. On the other hand, they might lose weight by not eating as much only using their one good hand because the other is wrapped in bandages.

   

This is just another example of corporate greed. Let’s get a really cheap product made in China and give it away. My guess is that Corporations like McDonalds haven’t learned from recalls of toys like Barbie and Polly Pocket, pet foods, milk powder, tires, paint and now Step-It fitness trackers. All have caused death or serious injury. If you want to stay a away from a swirling PR cesspool nightmare, give your head a shake, Chinese products SUCK!

   

It’s time Corporations like McDonalds and many others, show the customer, not the shareholder, that they care about them. To McDonalds, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.” Cook burgers, NOT CHILDREN.

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and Speaker)

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Is GM Helping Perverts?

  Now with my tongue planted securely in my cheek, I shall continue.

 

   Video games, movies and TV have been blamed for teaching violence. How many times have we heard in the wake of a tragic event, “It was a movie that gave him that idea.” People get ideas about the most sick things from media or maybe playing a Beatles album backwards.

 

   Now, GM is walking a very thin line when it comes to giving the sick…ideas. Is it just me that finds this creepy, but have you seen the TV commercial where an older man is inviting kids to play a video game then tells them to get in a GM vehicle because it has free Wi-Fi and everyone can play? The reason I explained the commercial is because as soon as GM reads this they’ll take this video off of YouTube.

 

 

   We all know the reasoning behind the spot. Get kids to tell their parents to buy GM because of Wi-Fi.
Parents have never been more vigilant about protecting their kids from the sick and perverted in our society.
I guess that GM has moved the perverts into a new age with free Wi-Fi. No longer will they use the old ploys, “Hey kid, I have this lost puppy” or “Do you want some candy?” Now parents will have to watch out for this….

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Come on GM get with the program and find another way to promote free Wi-Fi in your vehicles. Until then, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Stand-Up and Speaker)

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I Really WISH You Didn’t

   The Children’s Wish Foundation just did something I wish they hadn’t. They brought out a “Collector Card Series” or what they call the, “Wish Hero Series” featuring a sick child on each card. There are 6 cards in the series.

   After seeing the Director on a TV interview saying YES to the question, “You buy one ticket for the Childrens’s Wish Lottery, you get a card, you buy 2 tickets you get another ticket.” So I report.. “When you buy a ticket for the Children’s Wish Lottery, they send you a card to start your collection along with your ticket.” she told me via phone, my information was WRONG. When I brought up the TV interview she replied, “I couldn’t correct him on live TV!”12001087_1142164262479786_4883225065240092503_o

   These children are suffering through life threatening illness and have asked the Wish Foundation to grant them a special wish. Then with the help of sponsors and private donations the wish is granted.

When I worked with the Foundation, one of our goals was to make the child happy with the granted wish and never put the child in the public eye. The reason was that the child is and has been going through enough facing mortality. That seems to have changed, to flaunting the child in front of the public.
One argument is, that these cards show where your donation is going. That begs the questions, do you really need a picture of a sick child to make you feel better? Will you take your collection to parties and trade with friends?

I don’t know if you remember back in the 90’s when the Serial Killer Collector Card series caused a National outcry. Then there was the True Crime Series. Granted, those were pretty grotesque and is at the other end of the spectrum.

If collecting pictures of sick kids floats your boat, then we should have a bigger series of cards, “The Syrian Refugee Collection”, collect them all 1 through 2,000,000. How about starting the collection off with the picture of that poor baby on the beach. The Cancer Society could bring out picture cards to show how cancer ravages the body. Oh wait, they do that on every cigarette package in Canada. Not as far as I know, is anyone cutting those pictures out and trading them. Cig Pack Canada

Oh here’s another idea, a card collection with pictures of all the men and women that signed up on Ashley Madison. Proceeds could go to Children’s Shelters.
The Children’s Wish Foundation does great work and has made children smile with over 22,000 wishes granted. In my opinion, whoever came up with the idea of a Card collection, was way off the mark. I have to add that the Wish Foundation told me, that all of the kids and families of these “carded” children were if full favour of this campaign and have signed a Publicity Release. The kids want help other children and call themselves “Wish Forward Kids.”

 Please keep helping the kids. If anyone or a sponsor needs proof that you’re helping, send them a personal letter with the details, not a Card Collection. So in this case, CWF Hey, Get Off My Lawn.

Bryan Cox (Radio Host/Speaker/Humorist/Lover of the Back/Slash)

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