Archive for the ‘Pot’ Category

Why the Canadian and American Chickens Crossed The Road?

Why The American Chicken Crossed The Road.

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DONALD TRUMP… We will build a big wall to keep illegal chickens from crossing the road. We will have a door for legal chickens.

JOHN KERRY… We will trust the chicken to tell us whether it crossed the road or not.

CHRIS CHRISTIE… We need to waterboard that chicken to find out why it crossed the road.

RAND PAUL… It’s none of our business why the chicken crossed the road.

NANCY PELOSI… We will have to wait until the chicken crosses the road to see what it says.

CARLY FIORINA… Hilary Clinton lied about why the chicken crossed the road.

BRIAN WILLIAMS… I crossed the road with the chicken.

BEN CARSON… This isn’t brain surgery. So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN… The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA… Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

HILLARY CLINTON… What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

BILL CLINTON… I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE… I invented the chicken.

AL SHARPTON… Why are all the chickens white?

COLONEL SANDERS aka Norm MacDonald… Did I miss one?

Why The Canadian Chicken Crossed The Road.

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NICKELBACK… To get away from Justin Beiber and say “Hi” to our fan.

MIKE DUFFY… I legally paid the Chicken to cross the road.

PAMELA WALLIN…What Mike said.

PHILIPPE COUILLARD (Premier of Quebec)…. He wanted to set up his own Chicken Country.

JUSTIN TRUDEAU… It’s not “Road” it’s called “Sunny Way” and to harvest some really nice “Bud”

TOM MULCAIR… He crossed the road to sing “It’s My Party” and “It’s Over”

ELIZABETH MAY… is the road solar powered? Can this chicken provide a carbon free sustainable environment? -I demand a national plebiscite!

STEPHEN HARPER… All chickens with Niqabs should have to remove them to cross the road. Nice hair, though.

BRAD WALL (Premier of Saskatchewan)…To set up our own Pipeline that no one wants, but let it be known, those eastern bastards will freeze.

DAVID FURNISH (married to Elton John) … I’m just glad the Chicken came out of the Coop.

JEAN CHRETIEN…Because I’d choke dat Polet wit de Shawinigan Handshake.

KEVIN O’LEARY (Canadian Millionaire) …. The chicken did the work crossing the road and earned the right … to gaze at ME.

CONRAD BLACK… The Chicken is and felt inadequate, because I know more than anybody or that Chicken.

BOB PAULSON (Commissioner of the RCMP)… To get out of the force. None of us laid a hand on that girl.

JUSTIN BEIBER…To retrive the eggs I throw and look for my talent.

HOWIE MANDEL…That Chicken is covered in germs…get away, get away.

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author, Speaker)

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One Really Stupid Canadian… Complaint.

 The one thing we all know, is that when Governments buy things, the price goes up, way up. People see the Government as an instant gravy train. So when it comes out that the Canadian Government decided to save money on something as small as a “font”, to advertise Canada’s 150th Birthday you have to pat them on the back. Hey, it’s a start. Canada chose a FREE font that was invented by Canadian, Raymond Larabie.

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The font is called “Mesmerize”. They found it on line and asked Ray if they could have his permission to use it and of course he said “YES.” The Government went ahead and used it on this logo for Canada’s 150th….Ah, but not all are happy in Fontville.

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There seems to be a bit of a backlash for a certain business sector. “Little Lord Fontleroy” or as he’s known, Adrian Jean, President of the Graphic Designers of Canada is a bit ticked off at the Canada’s Government for not using a so called professional to come up with a font.

Adrian Jean
Which by the way would have cost thousands of dollars out of the $210 million set aside for the celebrations. Adrian said in a Hamilton Spectator interview, about a professional design “is always going to have more effective elements, a better refinement, and just generally be a better end result than something that is sourced for free.”
   OK folks, I’m with you. This whole thing is really stupid. It seems that Adrian made a New Years Resolution while looking in the mirror and saying, “It seems that people respect me way to much, I should change that.”
You might ask yourself what’s next…….

If the Government get a super deal on Marijuana from “El Chapo” will the Canadian Pot Growers scream… “Professionally grown Canadian weed is better than Mexican laced with speed.”

If the Government tells MP’s to drink tap water, will the Canadian Bottled Water Association whine saying, “Our water is professionally cleaned, so MP’s won’t have to be quarantined.”

What if the Government gets free chairs for the MP’s? Will the Canadian Leather Manufacturers, start shouting “Our leather eats grass, so our leather will cradle your ass.”

 

   So come on people, there are some things that you should get upset over and some thing’s that you shouldn’t. A font is one of those things you shouldn’t.
Now I have to run, I just heard that Justin Trudeau hired a free comedian for a party. I’m screaming, “A Professional Canadian Comedian is better … than an Idiot!”  I think his name is Adrian, who by the way, should Get Off My Lawn!

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Speaker, Author)

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Two Justin’s…Can We Tell Them Apart?

It used to be a term that you heard on newscast, “This Just In” or on phones at airports, “I’m just in, come and pick me up.” Canada is becoming known as the land of Justins. Two of the most famous are hard to tell apart. Let’s try;

 

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One throws insults in the House ….the other throws eggs at a house.

 

One was born with a silver spoon in his mouth….the other has a silver spoon around his nose.

 

One has a house full of fast and loose cars…the other has a house full of fast and loose Senators.

 

One gave an election promise of drug reform…the other, with all his fast living, might need drugs to get an erection.

 

One can say “pass the salt” in French and English because thats the law…And the “law” say’s to the other, “Here’s a charge of Assault.”

 

One’s named Trudeau…the other is rolling in dough.

 

One charges up a country with the slogan “Sunny Ways”… the other was charged with dangerous driving on “sunny way.”

 

One wants to legalize pot…the other wants Canada to smoke it, to get rid of pain… The pain of embarrassment.

 

One welcomes refugees from all over the World, but tells the US , “please keep that one.”

 

So it goes, the battle of the two Justin’s in the US and in Canada.

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host/Producer, Author, Comedian, Speaker) and Thanks to Paul Lander (Super Comedy Guy)

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Canada’s New… Pot Anthem

Canada has a new Government. The Liberal Party promised during the election campaign that they would make Pot legal. Everyone knows that “BC Bud” is amongst the best in the World. Not to mention the healing power of British Columbia’s amazing little plant. There has been no timetable set out about when the legalization will take place but it will happen. Things will change in Canada when this legalization takes place. Here’s our rendition of what the National Anthem might sound like when Canada opens the door. This was put together by Bryan Cox and Jason leBlanc.

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Speaker and Comedian)

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