Archive for the ‘Seniors’ Category

10 New Murphy’s Laws

A New Look at Murphy’s Law

Murphy’s Law (“If anything can go wrong, it will”) was born at Edwards Air Force Base in 1949 at North Base.

 

It was named after Capt. Edward A. Murphy, an engineer working on Air Force Projects.

 

After finding a transducer was wired wrong, he cursed the technician responsible and said, “If there is any way to do it wrong, he’ll find it.”

 

It’s been said about Murphy’s death, “One dark evening, Mr. Murphy’s car ran out of gas. As he hitchhiked to a gas station, while facing traffic and wearing white, he was struck from behind by a British tourist who was driving on the wrong side of the road.”

 

Nowadays we see that Murphy’s Law is still alive and well. Here are 10 quick examples for you.

 

–Fill the open tray bird feeder…It will snow or rain.

 

–At the intersection, the guy in front of you will alway turn his signal light on as the light turns green.

 

–The airport washroom automatic faucet will turn off way before your finished washing your hands.

 

–When sending an email, you will forget “send to all.”

 

–The quicker you need information from the internet, is directly correlated with password memory.

 

–Waiting for a meal at a restaurant, you know it will arrive, just as you go outside for a smoke or go to the washroom.

 

–Guys, when your wife asks you to do something, you will realize that you did it wrong and it will be pointed out that there are better ways of doing it.

 

–When you fill your tank, the price of gas will fall the next day.

 

–Your cat will have puked directly in your path, as you walk out of a dark room in bare feet.

 

–The day that 5 hookers send you friend requests on Facebook, you wife decides to check your page.

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Speaker)

Advertisements

3 Possible Fake News Stories

The Medical Industry is in Bed with Soft Water Companies and Opthamologists

shower-blog1

Trips and Falls

To keep medicine rocking they need business so the soft water folks are working with them to make tubs and showers super slippery. You know what I mean if you’ve ever showered in soft water. You end up doing some kind of weird Michael Jackson dance when trying to get out or in. Just how many people that fall and injure themselves, have soft water?
Plus, they say that you should listen to your favourite song in the shower. To save water, you should be finished when the song ends. With soft water, to get that real squeaky feel to your skin like with hard water, the song should be In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida or any entire Beethoven Symphony.

 

Another group that add to trips and falls, especially for older folks, are the optometrists and opthamologists. These Doctors prescribe Bi-Focals which are now called “progressive lenses”. If you don’t have them, let me explain, each lens is made up with two parts, when you look through the top half of the glass you see normally. When you look through the bottom half everything looks huge, which is good for reading. The question is, do folks wearing progressive lenses fall on stairs more because they are looking through the bottom half?

falling-downThese stairs must look huge. I myself, offer them to my wife when I come to bed (Wink Wink)

Big Brother is Watching???

ombb

Where I live the phone company offers a lot. They offer a TV service with a ton of channels, Phone service, Internet and even home security. So if the police want to find you or find out about you, all they have to do is make one call …to the phone company. They’ll know if you’re home or not home, who you’re talking to, what TV shows you like and what kind of porn you like.

                                                   Your DNA is Under Attack

dna-genes-1

 

Recently I’ve noticed a huge advertising push for DNA. If the cops were to come up to you on the street and ask for your DNA, I’m pretty sure I’d know what you’d say. If a company advertises for your DNA with an offer that they’ll tell you where you came from and what diseases you “might” get, that’s just fine. All you have to do is send them a sample of your DNA and you pay them to do that. One commercial stands out. A lady says, a lot of my friends ask me, what am I? So she sends her DNA in and finds out she’s…asian, indian and whatever. Listen, if you’ve people are coming up to you and asking what you are…you need to find a better group of “friends”, girl.

 
Here it is, you send you’re DNA to a company you don’t know and they send you some pie chart of fluffy information back in the mail. What then, is your DNA kept on file for law enforcement agencies? Is it being used in experiments? Is your DNA being spliced with an alien life form that they captured years before? Oh, and they have them, you know that. I’ve also found out that those DNA kits don’t make the best baby shower gift!

 

This was just a little finger poking fun at some of the “theories” that are out there. So watch out for Fake News because this is the kind of stuff they grab on to.

                                       Always question never accept!

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and humble guy)

Get Off Of My Promo Pic400x300

Top 15 Signs of Age and Aging

funny-aarp-cartoon-poster

 

Hey, Baby Boomer so you’re getting older and you don’t know what to expect. Try these on for size.

 

You know you’re getting old….when you can remember the day when you could pronounce all the NHL’s players names, Mahovlich was the hardest. (Canada)

 

When someone offers you a “joint” now you automatically think, ‘would that be a knee or hip?’

 

You order the super TV pack, just because it has the Weather Channel.

 

Back in the day, we remember yelling “Hey, Culligan Man”. Today we know why. He’s the only one that’ll come running when you slip in the tub.

 

Becoming a senior is great, because if you happen to end up in prison, you won’t be getting all those romantic looks from cellblock D.

 

Becoming a senior means you understand you really won’t be getting romantic looks from anyone.

 

Getting older means some bodily functions are like swallowing scrabble tiles. You know one good sneeze, could spell disaster.

 

When you and your buddies wanted to go to the Drive-In. The ones with no money always got in….in the trunk.
You can remember when a “Race Issue” was arguing about who ran the fastest.

 

We finally understand why babies are so cantankerous … plastic and paper underwear.

 

The kids today love the movie”Frozen.” We lived it, always playing hockey on an outdoor rink no matter the temperature. (Canada and Alaska)

 

You end up having to wear Bi-Focals or the new term, Progressive Lenses. This is good guys, everything is so much larger when you look through the bottom half of the glasses. Just make your wife wear them to bed.

 

You remember how our sense of humour was formed around Grade One. OH, how our parents laughed, when you asked for a ride to school. “What are ya kid, some kind of comedian?”

 

Remembering that when you had a job, phoning in fake sick on the weekend was not an option. Your parents made you go to work. Hey, they’d even give you a ride. A ride to school NO WAY but ride to work…Oh, Hell Ya!

 

To the old and young never be afraid to speak out and up. The most important saying you need to know that can apply to so may people and so much in your life, is “Hey, Get Off My Lawn!”

 

You think that the Led Zeppelin cover band performing at the old folks home, should have sang “Stairlift to Heaven.”
   So to the seniors that are feeling shelved, it’s time to get up read a paper, watch the news, learn something new on the computer and most important of all, stay engaged with your surroundings with a sense of humour. Don’t let yesterday use up to much of today.
   To all the kids and grandkids, call you’re parents and tell them you’re thinking of them and you love them, while you still have the chance. Remember you always learn lessons from their past, which gives you the future, where you can apply them.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you laughed give it a “like” and pass it on. If you didn’t “Hey Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Speaker, Comedian and Author)

Get Off Of My Promo Pic400x300

Canada ENDORSES.. Age, Sex and Disability Discrimination

Here it is Canada. Our Federal and Provincial Governments DO support Discrimination based on Sex, Age and Disability.

     I lodged a formal complaint with the Human Rights Commission of Saskatchewan. The complaint was based on the amount that Life Insurance Companies charge for Term Insurance to seniors or almost seniors, the fact that your are male or female and if you have any kind of disability.

Cost-TermLife-Insurance-chart

    The older you are, the more you pay etc. Life Insurance Companies have got their butt covered with the help of Government. They get around the law, by saying that the buyer is signing a contract. Life insurance is a Provincial responsibility and every Government prohibits certain contracts because they might discriminate but it seems others are above the law. So it’s up to them to change the law. Here’s the reply from The Saskatchewan Human Rights Commission…
Human Rights reply

    Insurance Companies have been getting away with this law breaking practice forever, but in their case it’s age, sex and disability discrimination. You can hear the insurance companies whining, “well, we base all of our policies on Actuarial Tables”. These tables are the result of exhaustive studies that have been done to more less tell insurance companies just how long people will live and it’s these studies that are the bedrock of the insurance business. As you can see most Canadians choose Term Life contract.
what-life-insurance-policy-do-canadians-have   SO lets say, you were to open a business, where the only way to shop there, was if you had a membership and you only to sell to Asians? You surely would get your knuckles rapped by any Human Rights Commission. By the way, a membership is a contract. Of course you would have done study after study and maybe come up with an Actuarial Table to prove that Asians have a higher annual income than First Nation, White or Black people. Thus proving your contract is valid and you should be able to sell only to those who could, on a constant basis, afford your product.

screen shot 2013-09-17 at 1.22.26 pm.png

   If you are considering launching a complaint with your Provincial Human Rights Commission, I did a bit of leg work for you. I thought this just might be a Saskatchewan problem, so I reached out to all the Human Rights Commissions in every Province in Canada. I wanted to know that if they had a similar laws on their books protecting Life Insurance companies. Manitoba would consider investigating a Life Insurance discrimination complaint. PEI, Newfoundland, Labrador and British Columbia are in line with Saskatchewan and do protect Life Insurance from any such complaint. Alberta said that if the insurance complaint is reasonable and justifiable. Really, good luck with that, because in all matters about insurance are under the umbrella of “Reasonable and Justifiable”. I have to say when faced with a question all of the above Commissions were very good at replying and more than willing to help. At the time of publishing, Quebec, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and Ontario had no comment. I can’t wait any longer. What, a week wasn’t good enough? You’re SOOOO busy, that you can even answer 1 email? I can only surmise that they have no interest in helping.

    Provincial Governments support the Life Insurance industry in Canada. Thus in turn, they’re supporting age, sex and disability Discrimination. The law, in all provinces is much different when it comes to insurance regarding a job. Discrimination in that case is a huge NO- NO. When it comes to the ordinary joe on the street, sorry we have to put up with it.

   This gives me pause to ask the question, how much do insurance companies contribute to election campaigns?
Someone asked me why the mainstream media hasn’t picked up on this massive scale of Discrimination. The answer is very simple, DOLLARS! The media doesn’t want to bite the hand that feeds. Insurance companies are one of the largest advertisers in the country.

    In my opinion, as this whole article has been, Insurance companies should start by scrapping term insurance or level the playing field for a 20 something to pay the same as a 60 year old person.
I’m so tired to frivolous claims of discrimination and mistreatment. These sometimes lead to lawsuits that are just as frivolous. When you find a true complaint that really hurts folks financially, it’s shrugged off and supported and endorsed by the Federal and Provincial Governments. In their mind it’s not worth it. So, we say to Politicians and the Insurance Industry “Hey Get Off My Lawn!”

Get Off Of My Promo Pic400x300

BRYAN COX (Speaker, Humourist, Columnist, Comedian)

“Ensure” Commercials Help the Homeless?

Ensure 2

    If you can’t laugh at yourself, please allow me to do it for you. The creativity of commercials really engage me. They’re the calling cards to show the World that you’re here and you should take notice of what they offer. When I see great commercials I actually send an email to the company and tell them just that. That makes me happy I work in the industry. When I see crap, it ends up here on the page, then that will be forwarded on to the company.
In the past we’ve scolded Canadian Political Parties for Ad Idea Theft http://wp.me/paHrp-g2 and caught McDonalds for the complete lack of creativity and copying the competition in their ads http://wp.me/paHrp-fR After mentioning this, they pulled their ad off of Youtube so I couldn’t use it as an example.

  We now take a look at a few commercials for Ensure. This is a nutritional drink. Their commercials seem to be aimed at the aging boomer. I’m not sure if these ads run in both Canada and the US. Canada has them for sure. I’ve looked for a copy of these spots on YouTube but they haven’t put them up yet or they realized they were so stupid , they took them down.

 

   Ensure commercial #1 that pisses me off.
Here’s what might have been pitched to Abbott, makers of Ensure, by some ad agency executive that was on meth or had been on 3 week bender before the presentation.

   A healthy looking man, maybe in his early 60’s is playing soccer, with what seems to be his grandson. There is a wooded area behind the huge grandfather guarded goal net. Boy kicks the ball and it goes over the net into the wooded area. Then we see a the plastic Ensure bottle start rolling down a hill bouncing and turning. Grandfather ends up behind the net looking for the ball. Low and behold a bottle of Ensure rolls up to his feet. He picks it up off the ground and drinks it.

   Ensure commercial #2 …pretty well the same as the first
A shot of a busy healthy woman, maybe in her late 50’s early 60’s. I’ve never been good a judging a woman’s age, so let’s move on. She’s shopping, running from place to place. Break away to a shot of a bottle of Ensure rolling, bouncing and turning through the city streets. The woman arrives at the bottom of a massive outdoor staircase, which would kill most out of shape climbers. She gazes up, just as the bottle of Ensure rolls down. She picks the bottle up and drinks it.

 

    I’m so much like you, whenever we see a bottle of anything sitting on the ground, we look around, then pick it up, and drink it. Come on, really? Picking crap up off the ground, then consume it? This begs the questions, are they marketing to the homeless? What kind of drugs are in Ensure that your parent company, Abbott, would fall for such a campaign? Did the advertising agency have a picture of Abbott management with a goat or something to make you go for this kind of advertising?

 

     Abbott you really got the wool pulled over your eyes by some smart talking, chart showing pitchman who does not live in the real world. You probably spent a fortune on those spots. So, to Abbott and the ad agency that came up with the creative for these spots, here’s a FREE idea encompassing another product you sell.

Pedialyte … replaces minerals and nutrient loss because of vomiting and diarrhea.
CommercialSomewhere in the hood, deep in a dimly lit back alley. We see 2 drug addicts puking their guts out. After they’re finished they decide to go dumpster diving and come up with a half used bottle of Pedialyte.
Voice over, which I’d be happy to supply you with, comes in, “Sometimes, you have to go DEEP for …RELIEF”.

 

   If you’re going to spend your advertising dollar on something make sure you get a product that shows you in a good light and not something that’s comical, unless you were going for comedy. Until you guys come down off of what your on, “Hey Get Off My Lawn” WAIT, Here’s a thought, I could throw stuff on my lawn and you could come over and eat it.

Ensure 1jpg

Bryan Cox (Author/Speaker/Ad Critic/ Comedian/Lover of the back/slash)

Get Off Of My Promo Pic400x300

Politicans Endorse Discrimination and RAPE!

Politicians in the USA and Canada endorse discrimination !! They don’t mind seeing the elderly financially RAPED. Not one politician replied to my inquiries about the discriminatory practices of Insurance companies and Term Life policies.

Even the OmbudService for Life & Health Insurance endorse the discriminatory practices of Insurance companies in Canada, just look at this quote from that office, who by the way, is the office that handles complaints about insurance……
”You are quite right that insurance companies discriminate.  For example, younger people pay lower life insurance premiums than older people (age discrimination).  Since women live longer than men, they pay lower life insurance premiums (sex discrimination).   An individual who has just been diagnosed with an invasive cancer will not be able to obtain medically underwritten life or health insurance (discrimination based on physical infirmity).  And, older experienced drivers pay lower car insurance premiums than teenagers (again, age discrimination)”.

Insurance Companies have been getting away with this kind of practice forever, but in their case it’s age, sex and disability discrimination. You can hear the insurance companies whining, “well, we base all of our policies on Actuarial Tables”. These tables are the result of exhaustive studies that have been done to more less tell insurance companies just how long people will live and it’s these studies that are the bedrock of the insurance business.

So if the success of a business can be directly linked to a “study or studies” why haven’t other businesses done that?
For example, if you want to base a business on studies the biggest boy on the block is the US Census. As a future business owner one of the things to look at, is who can afford your product. One might even base your sales on selling to those people with the highest annual income.

screen shot 2013-09-17 at 1.22.26 pm.png
It looks like Asians make more annually than the rest of us. How far do you think you’d get if you put up a sign that said, “Only Asians Served?” You’d be brought up in front of a Human Rights Board. Which is, shock of shocks, common sense and the LAW.
With fewer and fewer folks having a retirement nest egg these days, it only makes sense that more folks will be living off of our countries old age pension systems. After looking up what an old age payment would be from many sources, in the US and Canada the average monthly government paid old age income would be around $1200.00 dollars per month. In some cases it might be more and some, less. If you retire at age 65 let’s look at what term life insurance will cost you on average

Cost-TermLife-Insurance-chart
                                                                                                                                 This is Discrimination based on age and sex.
By doing NOTHING politicians are endorsing this Age and other forms of Discrimination. Plus support the financial rape of the elderly. With elections looming this is not good practice for any politician. These insurance buyers are the folks that want to leave something for kids and grandkids. Even to be able to afford a funeral. Sure they bought life insurance, but life insurance is something you buy and forget. Believe me, when you’re slammed with a 600 dollar per month payment that jogs your memory pretty fast. No one can real afford that so…you cancel. You might look at other forms of insurance, but by the age you’ve reached by now, they all cost much more. It’s eye opening what Term Life will cost you in Canada anyway http://www.insurecan.com/ The USA is about the same as well.

Selling Term Life policies means that Insurance Companies are breaking the law. If company is caught making a profit off of consumers, by running an illegal operation. That company is usually told by the courts, to pay back all money.
In my opinion, since Insurance companies have been running a business based on, human rights stated, Discriminatory Practices, they should have to return all money paid to them by anyone that ever had a term life policy and change the way you do business so it’s fair for all.
You might ask why the media hasn’t jumped on this blatant law breaking. It all comes down to “don’t bite the hand that feeds”. Insurance companies are some of the biggest advertisers on the air and in print today.
Insurance companies as you’re laughing all the way to the bank just remember to …”GET OFF MY LAWN”

BRYAN COX…..Radio Host/Speaker/Author/Comedian/Lover of the Back-Slash/

Get Off Of My Promo Pic400x300