Archive for the ‘Stupid’ Category

5 Terror Attacks in Saskatoon

   I like to find humour in all situations that might pop up, but not this. As I watched little children be evacuated from a Saskatoon School the other day because of“suspicious powder”, my heart sank. There have 5 such attacks on various institutions over the span of a week, including a Hospital Cancer Clinic. There is some sick piece of ****, you fill in the word there, that thinks pulling fake terror attacks is funny.

 

Here’s the school being evacuated

 

   The Saskatoon Police have said on a tv report, that if the person is caught, he/she would be charged with “Mischief.” I contacted Saskatoon Police and they never returned my call. If you were to leave a bag of suspicious powder or a pipe with wires coming out of it, in the bathroom on an airplane, I’m pretty sure you’d would be charge with an act of terror and treated like a terrorist. Sure one is Municipal and the other is Federal. Does this say that the municipal law has to catch up to the Federal law in cases of terrorism? The Criminal Code is the Criminal Code. For clarification I contacted the Saskatchewan Government Justice Dept. Yup, you guessed it, no comment there either. When it comes to terror we all should be on the same page and that’s what Canada’s Criminal Code does…

 

“The definition of “terrorist activity” in section 83.01 of the Criminal Code has two components. The first component incorporates a series of offences enacted to implement international legal instruments against terrorism. The second, more general, stand-alone component, states that a “terrorist activity” is an act or omission undertaken “in whole or in part for a political, religious, or ideological purpose, objective or cause” that is intended to intimidate the public or compel a person, government or organization to do or refrain from doing any act, if the act or omission intentionally causes a specified serious harm. Specified harms include causing death or serious bodily harm, endangering life, causing a serious risk to health or safety, causing substantial property damage where it would also cause one of the above listed harms and, in certain circumstances, causing serious interference or disruption of an essential service, facility or system, whether public or private. No where does it mention “Mischief.”

 

The penalty is up to life in prison for terrorist activity. If and when the police catch the person or persons doing this, adult…prision! If it’s a kid, they should be charged with a terror offence. Maybe put on the No Fly list forever and be fined the cost of everything incurred. That would include each location staff salaries for the day, cost of police, fire, ambulance. If they are to young to pay, then their parents should pay.

 

Here’s the emergency response

 

   I think we’ve gone way passed yelling fire in a crowded theatre. Pulling the odd fire alarm, like some of us might have done in school, is “Mischief”, but sending possibly deadly powder is a whole different ball game. They caused parents, little children, hospital staff and patients to be terrorized. Businesses, Schools and a Hospital to be disrupted. They also took emergency services away from people that might have really needed them. As it turned out every package was harmless.

 

   My hat is off to the way the fire and police depts handled every situation. Very professional. So I leave it to you, in todays World, is sending a bag of powder to an institution a terror attack (fake or not) or mischief? To the cowardly piece of crap that sent the packages, be afraid very afraid, because you will be found and “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”!

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Speaker, Comedian)

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3 Possible Fake News Stories

The Medical Industry is in Bed with Soft Water Companies and Opthamologists

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Trips and Falls

To keep medicine rocking they need business so the soft water folks are working with them to make tubs and showers super slippery. You know what I mean if you’ve ever showered in soft water. You end up doing some kind of weird Michael Jackson dance when trying to get out or in. Just how many people that fall and injure themselves, have soft water?
Plus, they say that you should listen to your favourite song in the shower. To save water, you should be finished when the song ends. With soft water, to get that real squeaky feel to your skin like with hard water, the song should be In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida or any entire Beethoven Symphony.

 

Another group that add to trips and falls, especially for older folks, are the optometrists and opthamologists. These Doctors prescribe Bi-Focals which are now called “progressive lenses”. If you don’t have them, let me explain, each lens is made up with two parts, when you look through the top half of the glass you see normally. When you look through the bottom half everything looks huge, which is good for reading. The question is, do folks wearing progressive lenses fall on stairs more because they are looking through the bottom half?

falling-downThese stairs must look huge. I myself, offer them to my wife when I come to bed (Wink Wink)

Big Brother is Watching???

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Where I live the phone company offers a lot. They offer a TV service with a ton of channels, Phone service, Internet and even home security. So if the police want to find you or find out about you, all they have to do is make one call …to the phone company. They’ll know if you’re home or not home, who you’re talking to, what TV shows you like and what kind of porn you like.

                                                   Your DNA is Under Attack

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Recently I’ve noticed a huge advertising push for DNA. If the cops were to come up to you on the street and ask for your DNA, I’m pretty sure I’d know what you’d say. If a company advertises for your DNA with an offer that they’ll tell you where you came from and what diseases you “might” get, that’s just fine. All you have to do is send them a sample of your DNA and you pay them to do that. One commercial stands out. A lady says, a lot of my friends ask me, what am I? So she sends her DNA in and finds out she’s…asian, indian and whatever. Listen, if you’ve people are coming up to you and asking what you are…you need to find a better group of “friends”, girl.

 
Here it is, you send you’re DNA to a company you don’t know and they send you some pie chart of fluffy information back in the mail. What then, is your DNA kept on file for law enforcement agencies? Is it being used in experiments? Is your DNA being spliced with an alien life form that they captured years before? Oh, and they have them, you know that. I’ve also found out that those DNA kits don’t make the best baby shower gift!

 

This was just a little finger poking fun at some of the “theories” that are out there. So watch out for Fake News because this is the kind of stuff they grab on to.

                                       Always question never accept!

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and humble guy)

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McDonalds Now Cooks Children

 

 

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Remember the good old days when a Happy Meal toy would only cause your child to choke and gag a bit? McDonalds are recalling 33 million Chinese made,
“Step-It” fitness trackers that were the toy in the “Happy Meal”. The reason is, they tend to burn and or give heat related rashes to the children that wear them.

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   McDonalds was trying to show a corporate image that they care about obesity in children, by getting kids up and moving. Intentions were good with that. Really though, a child will become obese if they are bed ridden in the burn ward. On the other hand, they might lose weight by not eating as much only using their one good hand because the other is wrapped in bandages.

   

This is just another example of corporate greed. Let’s get a really cheap product made in China and give it away. My guess is that Corporations like McDonalds haven’t learned from recalls of toys like Barbie and Polly Pocket, pet foods, milk powder, tires, paint and now Step-It fitness trackers. All have caused death or serious injury. If you want to stay a away from a swirling PR cesspool nightmare, give your head a shake, Chinese products SUCK!

   

It’s time Corporations like McDonalds and many others, show the customer, not the shareholder, that they care about them. To McDonalds, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.” Cook burgers, NOT CHILDREN.

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and Speaker)

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Is GM Helping Perverts?

  Now with my tongue planted securely in my cheek, I shall continue.

 

   Video games, movies and TV have been blamed for teaching violence. How many times have we heard in the wake of a tragic event, “It was a movie that gave him that idea.” People get ideas about the most sick things from media or maybe playing a Beatles album backwards.

 

   Now, GM is walking a very thin line when it comes to giving the sick…ideas. Is it just me that finds this creepy, but have you seen the TV commercial where an older man is inviting kids to play a video game then tells them to get in a GM vehicle because it has free Wi-Fi and everyone can play? The reason I explained the commercial is because as soon as GM reads this they’ll take this video off of YouTube.

 

 

   We all know the reasoning behind the spot. Get kids to tell their parents to buy GM because of Wi-Fi.
Parents have never been more vigilant about protecting their kids from the sick and perverted in our society.
I guess that GM has moved the perverts into a new age with free Wi-Fi. No longer will they use the old ploys, “Hey kid, I have this lost puppy” or “Do you want some candy?” Now parents will have to watch out for this….

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Come on GM get with the program and find another way to promote free Wi-Fi in your vehicles. Until then, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Stand-Up and Speaker)

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The Top 8 New North Carolina Concerts

“First in Flight” that’s what it says on North Carolina license plates. Maybe they should change that to “First to Slight.” Their draconian anti-gay laws are causing shock waves Worldwide. 

 

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 Entertainers have stepped up and refused to play the State because of it. The list is growing day by day, Bruce Springsteen, Miley Cyrus, Ringo Starr even Circus du Soleil. I say, don’t worry North Carolina, there are a lot of acts out there that will keep you entertained.

 

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Some acts haven’t cancelled but have spoken out against your anti-gay laws, like Jimmy Buffett, who by the way, hasn’t had a real hit since 1977. You’ll still be able to see Cyndi Lauper, who had a massive hit in 1983 and Greg Allman will still perform and I’m sure you’ll sing along with his hit “Ramblin’ Man” from 1973. Sounds to me you welcome the old acts. Next it’ll be “The Spinners”, not the singing act but the guy that spins plates on sticks, whose last big gig was on the “Ed Sullivan Show.”

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This summer look for an action packed replacement Concert Calender North Carolina.
                         — Rock out to “Bruce Springstern”, a very “serious” cover band.
                         — Then “Bingo Stars” will be drumming on fresh deer hide stretched over 50 gallon oil drums” Like the Blue Man Group but with a twinge of “Hillbilly”
                         — For all old North Carolina men, it’s the must see replacement Miley Cyrus concert….. Just a stripper.

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Don’t cry Circus fans, replacing the amazing Circus du Soleil there’s “Billy Bob’s Armadillo and Flea Circus.” The kids will be itching to go to that one.
   We can’t forget what North Carolina is known for, Comedy. This summer and all through the year, you’ll be treated to entertainments best Comedians. All the laughs will be supplied by the politicians you voted for.

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2016 called and they want you to join in North Carolina. Until then “Hey Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Speaker, Author)

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Why the Canadian and American Chickens Crossed The Road?

Why The American Chicken Crossed The Road.

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DONALD TRUMP… We will build a big wall to keep illegal chickens from crossing the road. We will have a door for legal chickens.

JOHN KERRY… We will trust the chicken to tell us whether it crossed the road or not.

CHRIS CHRISTIE… We need to waterboard that chicken to find out why it crossed the road.

RAND PAUL… It’s none of our business why the chicken crossed the road.

NANCY PELOSI… We will have to wait until the chicken crosses the road to see what it says.

CARLY FIORINA… Hilary Clinton lied about why the chicken crossed the road.

BRIAN WILLIAMS… I crossed the road with the chicken.

BEN CARSON… This isn’t brain surgery. So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN… The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA… Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

HILLARY CLINTON… What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

BILL CLINTON… I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE… I invented the chicken.

AL SHARPTON… Why are all the chickens white?

COLONEL SANDERS aka Norm MacDonald… Did I miss one?

Why The Canadian Chicken Crossed The Road.

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NICKELBACK… To get away from Justin Beiber and say “Hi” to our fan.

MIKE DUFFY… I legally paid the Chicken to cross the road.

PAMELA WALLIN…What Mike said.

PHILIPPE COUILLARD (Premier of Quebec)…. He wanted to set up his own Chicken Country.

JUSTIN TRUDEAU… It’s not “Road” it’s called “Sunny Way” and to harvest some really nice “Bud”

TOM MULCAIR… He crossed the road to sing “It’s My Party” and “It’s Over”

ELIZABETH MAY… is the road solar powered? Can this chicken provide a carbon free sustainable environment? -I demand a national plebiscite!

STEPHEN HARPER… All chickens with Niqabs should have to remove them to cross the road. Nice hair, though.

BRAD WALL (Premier of Saskatchewan)…To set up our own Pipeline that no one wants, but let it be known, those eastern bastards will freeze.

DAVID FURNISH (married to Elton John) … I’m just glad the Chicken came out of the Coop.

JEAN CHRETIEN…Because I’d choke dat Polet wit de Shawinigan Handshake.

KEVIN O’LEARY (Canadian Millionaire) …. The chicken did the work crossing the road and earned the right … to gaze at ME.

CONRAD BLACK… The Chicken is and felt inadequate, because I know more than anybody or that Chicken.

BOB PAULSON (Commissioner of the RCMP)… To get out of the force. None of us laid a hand on that girl.

JUSTIN BEIBER…To retrive the eggs I throw and look for my talent.

HOWIE MANDEL…That Chicken is covered in germs…get away, get away.

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author, Speaker)

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One Really Stupid Canadian… Complaint.

 The one thing we all know, is that when Governments buy things, the price goes up, way up. People see the Government as an instant gravy train. So when it comes out that the Canadian Government decided to save money on something as small as a “font”, to advertise Canada’s 150th Birthday you have to pat them on the back. Hey, it’s a start. Canada chose a FREE font that was invented by Canadian, Raymond Larabie.

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The font is called “Mesmerize”. They found it on line and asked Ray if they could have his permission to use it and of course he said “YES.” The Government went ahead and used it on this logo for Canada’s 150th….Ah, but not all are happy in Fontville.

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There seems to be a bit of a backlash for a certain business sector. “Little Lord Fontleroy” or as he’s known, Adrian Jean, President of the Graphic Designers of Canada is a bit ticked off at the Canada’s Government for not using a so called professional to come up with a font.

Adrian Jean
Which by the way would have cost thousands of dollars out of the $210 million set aside for the celebrations. Adrian said in a Hamilton Spectator interview, about a professional design “is always going to have more effective elements, a better refinement, and just generally be a better end result than something that is sourced for free.”
   OK folks, I’m with you. This whole thing is really stupid. It seems that Adrian made a New Years Resolution while looking in the mirror and saying, “It seems that people respect me way to much, I should change that.”
You might ask yourself what’s next…….

If the Government get a super deal on Marijuana from “El Chapo” will the Canadian Pot Growers scream… “Professionally grown Canadian weed is better than Mexican laced with speed.”

If the Government tells MP’s to drink tap water, will the Canadian Bottled Water Association whine saying, “Our water is professionally cleaned, so MP’s won’t have to be quarantined.”

What if the Government gets free chairs for the MP’s? Will the Canadian Leather Manufacturers, start shouting “Our leather eats grass, so our leather will cradle your ass.”

 

   So come on people, there are some things that you should get upset over and some thing’s that you shouldn’t. A font is one of those things you shouldn’t.
Now I have to run, I just heard that Justin Trudeau hired a free comedian for a party. I’m screaming, “A Professional Canadian Comedian is better … than an Idiot!”  I think his name is Adrian, who by the way, should Get Off My Lawn!

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Speaker, Author)

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