Posts Tagged ‘Comedy’

Top 15 Signs of Age and Aging

funny-aarp-cartoon-poster

 

Hey, Baby Boomer so you’re getting older and you don’t know what to expect. Try these on for size.

 

You know you’re getting old….when you can remember the day when you could pronounce all the NHL’s players names, Mahovlich was the hardest. (Canada)

 

When someone offers you a “joint” now you automatically think, ‘would that be a knee or hip?’

 

You order the super TV pack, just because it has the Weather Channel.

 

Back in the day, we remember yelling “Hey, Culligan Man”. Today we know why. He’s the only one that’ll come running when you slip in the tub.

 

Becoming a senior is great, because if you happen to end up in prison, you won’t be getting all those romantic looks from cellblock D.

 

Becoming a senior means you understand you really won’t be getting romantic looks from anyone.

 

Getting older means some bodily functions are like swallowing scrabble tiles. You know one good sneeze, could spell disaster.

 

When you and your buddies wanted to go to the Drive-In. The ones with no money always got in….in the trunk.
You can remember when a “Race Issue” was arguing about who ran the fastest.

 

We finally understand why babies are so cantankerous … plastic and paper underwear.

 

The kids today love the movie”Frozen.” We lived it, always playing hockey on an outdoor rink no matter the temperature. (Canada and Alaska)

 

You end up having to wear Bi-Focals or the new term, Progressive Lenses. This is good guys, everything is so much larger when you look through the bottom half of the glasses. Just make your wife wear them to bed.

 

You remember how our sense of humour was formed around Grade One. OH, how our parents laughed, when you asked for a ride to school. “What are ya kid, some kind of comedian?”

 

Remembering that when you had a job, phoning in fake sick on the weekend was not an option. Your parents made you go to work. Hey, they’d even give you a ride. A ride to school NO WAY but ride to work…Oh, Hell Ya!

 

To the old and young never be afraid to speak out and up. The most important saying you need to know that can apply to so may people and so much in your life, is “Hey, Get Off My Lawn!”

 

You think that the Led Zeppelin cover band performing at the old folks home, should have sang “Stairlift to Heaven.”
   So to the seniors that are feeling shelved, it’s time to get up read a paper, watch the news, learn something new on the computer and most important of all, stay engaged with your surroundings with a sense of humour. Don’t let yesterday use up to much of today.
   To all the kids and grandkids, call you’re parents and tell them you’re thinking of them and you love them, while you still have the chance. Remember you always learn lessons from their past, which gives you the future, where you can apply them.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you laughed give it a “like” and pass it on. If you didn’t “Hey Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Speaker, Comedian and Author)

Get Off Of My Promo Pic400x300

The Top 8 Things Donald Trump Will Do After

After months and months of nauseous, continuous coverage of Clinton and Trump, most folks want it to be over. So when it is actually over, this begs the question, what then for Donald Trump?

gettyimages-485215026-770x330

The Top 8 things Donald Trump Will Do After The Election.

 

—He’ll hold gender sensitivity seminars for NFL Players.

—You remember you were told, when a boy hits or bullies you, it means he’s hot for you? The Donald will divorce and marry again. Happy Happy wedding day Megyn Kelly.

—Donald Trump could start up a luggage line, selling Bags of Deplorables.

—Mr. Trump will become buddies with more of Russia’s leadership. You can never have enough “Red Ties.”

—Rumour has it, He’ll record a new version of the Johnny Cash hit… “A Boy Named, I’ll Sue”

—Watch for the launch of Trump TV. He’ll put the Trump twist on some of the top rating getters like, “Orange is the New Trump”, “The Walking Trump”, Game of Trump Thrones” and so on.

 
— Don’t miss “The Donald Trump Hockey School.” This is where you’ll learn to, skate on taxes.

—The Donald will start up an on-line Men’s Discount Club called, “Grope-On.”

Just a few suggestions and thoughts for Mr. Trump if things don’t go your way in this election. For me, I’d like both candidates, “Off My Lawn”

Get Off Of My Promo Pic400x300

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Comedian, Speaker)

Newspapers Sway the Vote

Saying the print media is fair and impartial today is like having a Kardashian get upset with the paparazzi.

headlines-1

   What is happening people? I spent about 30 years in the radio and TV industries and when it came to politics we were always told to show both sides of a story. In Radio and TV, if you watch or listen long enough, you might see what side that network tends to “dress” to. Sure you’ve got certain hosts that are right or left, but very rarely do you have an entire network come out and endorse one candidate or the other. We were always told that if you were going to do a story on Politics, Religion, Sex or even that accident at the corner, just report the facts and as enticing as it may be, keep your personal opinions to yourself.

   Newspapers are a big part of the media landscape, whether online or printed. They’ve been around longer than radio or TV and were the source of news for hundreds of years. They too were always told to keep things impartial.
The *trusted and fair* print media, has really started to piss me off. It seems they’ve gone over the edge from having a few slanted opinion articles to a full blown voter convince-a-thon. The New York and LA Times along many more are actually coming out and endorsing one Presidential Candidate over the other. Even the National Enquirer has done an endorsement.

   Newspapers have an editorial board made up of big boss company executives, opinion writers and editors. They ask each candidate questions and if they all agree with the answers the newspaper endorses a candidate. So it comes down to if the movers and shakers in the company like it, that’s the law of the land.
The newsroom is separate and is to keep a impartial view of the candidates. We live in a time where newspaper business is hanging on by a thread. Just maybe, the “impartial” newsroom journalists are trying to figure out how to keep their job? This kind of reminds me of what every parent has said to their kid, “If everyone jumps off a bridge…are you going to jump off a bridge.?”

   People want to make up their own minds and not have you tell them how to vote. Now that you have shown bias, how can the public trust reporting?
What’s next for newspapers? I was thinking that there might be a few other endorsements that they’ve have missed,

salemwitchtrialsPuritanism … the only true religion. Join us for the NY Times endorsed witch burning in Times Square.

 

h35f2f219Kim Jong Un like Hitler… just a misunderstood guy with a cool haircut.

roger-ailes_and_bill_cosbySex…The LA Times endorses the Roger Ailes and Bill Cosby NFL “Sensitivity to Women” seminar.

   Most people make up their minds on who they’re going vote for from information supplied by the media. I praise the newspapers that have come out and stopped endorsing political candidates. That list is growing every election cycle. For the newspapers that think it’s their civic duty and still endorse, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.”

Get Off Of My Promo Pic400x300

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Speaker and Author)

 

Blowhard vs Blown Hard…USA Politics

 

trumpClinton

 

    Blow Hard! Those two words have got Hillary and Donald where they are today.
    There are many attributes that one must have to become President of the USA. Sure there’s hard work, experience, but maybe the most important is, name recognition. Both Hillary and Donald have that in spades, but how did the achieve this most important Presidential factor?

 

   No one in America really knew the name Donald Trump, except for “that’s the guy that builds stuff.” Then came a reality TV show called, “The Apprentice”. America flocked to the show like overweight, middle aged, bald men at a porn convention, just to hear those two words, “You’re Fired”. The show put the Trump name into the public domain. Now, everyone knew Donald Trump as a entertaining, bombastic blowhard with either huge ego or a ton of self confidence. You figure which one it is.

 

   Hillary on the other hand got her real name recognition by becoming First Lady. It’s what happened while she was First Lady that blew her name into the stratosphere. Two words, “Monica Lewinsky.” The nation was captivated by the sexual exploits of Bill and Monica. There were stories everyday about cigars, the stained dress and so on. Just as interesting, was the question, what was poor Hillary going to do? Everyone in America felt sorry for Mrs. Clinton and wondered if she was going to take the moral high road and stand by her man. Americans were on the side of the woman that was cheated on. She was now in the spotlight. A name recognition spotlight, supplied by a horny husband. Hillary rode the light into politics and that is where she is today.

   In conclusion you might say that one candidate got where he is by being a blow hard and the other got where she is because her husband got blown hard.

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Speaker and Author)

Get Off Of My Promo Pic400x300

 

The Top 8 Saskatchewan Travel Tips

Saskatchewan Canada

Sask Road.
   Ok Canada, if you’re going to make Saskatchewan your travel destination this year, here are a few tips to help make your vacation an unforgettable experience.

 

GOLF…. We have some of the most challenging courses in Canada. Roughly, we golf for 3 months out of the year. For some of us it takes that long to finish a game. Saskatchewan is the easiest Province to achieve a “Hole in One”.  The ball will go in the hole, but watch out, it might be a gopher hole. In our game, that’s still a hole in one. 0706sask_ground

HOOKING UP….. Saskatchewan people are super friendly. Guys, a never fail line to use if you want to meet a Saskatchewan single girl in, let’s say in a parking lot, is, “Hey, nice truck.” Ladies, meeting the perfect Saskatchewan man is a bit different. Just say, “Hey, which one of these trucks is yours, is it the one with the stereo I heard 5 blocks away?” Before you know it, both of you will be off to the Tractor Pull together.

206809_0

PREPPING YOUR VEHICLE…. People in Saskatchewan will tell you, leave your snow tires on until the end of July. Good advice, take it.

 

DRIVING… Yes, our land is flat and our roads are straight. There is a method to this madness. The whole purpose, is so that the Government can count the amount people moving back to Sask from Alberta and Manitoba, without leaving Regina.

 

FITTING IN… To truly fit in you have to look like a Saskatchewan person. Your face tan should start just above the eyebrow, down to the base of the neck. This is achieved by wearing a ball cap, everywhere. The only other area that should have a tan, starts mid-bicep to the tip of the fingers. We call that “The Farmer Tan.” Guys, never refer to your spouse as, my better half, my wife or the old lady. Always call her “The Wife.”

 

NIGHTLIFE… People in the Province love going out to restaurants. After all, the word “Chew” is in “Saskatchewan”. Leave that custom made suit or designer dress at home. Ask yourself what the locals ask themselves, “Can I wear jeans? Or do I have to dress up… in my good jeans?” The “Ball Cap” with a John Deere logo is always considered a great accessory.

kendeer

POLITICS… To let you know, The Saskatchewan Party is in power here. As you can tell they must have stayed up all night to come up with that party name. Things don’t change to much here. The Sask Party has been the Government since 2007.

 

TIME… Like the Government, it doesn’t change. As the rest of Canada wastes time trying to figure out, is it an hour ahead or behind, we in Saskatchewan don’t change our clocks. Some call us “The Land Time Forgot.”

 

   Saskatchewan isn’t the “you can watch your dog run away for three days” Province. We have a lot to offer the vacation traveller. Our people are fun and have huge hearts. Safe travels and watch out for deer and moose and if you think Saskatchewan is boring… “Hey, Get Off My Lawn!”

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Speaker, Author and Stand-Up Comic)

Get Off Of My Promo Pic400x300

The Top 8 New North Carolina Concerts

“First in Flight” that’s what it says on North Carolina license plates. Maybe they should change that to “First to Slight.” Their draconian anti-gay laws are causing shock waves Worldwide. 

 

Untitled

 

 Entertainers have stepped up and refused to play the State because of it. The list is growing day by day, Bruce Springsteen, Miley Cyrus, Ringo Starr even Circus du Soleil. I say, don’t worry North Carolina, there are a lot of acts out there that will keep you entertained.

 

Untitled

Some acts haven’t cancelled but have spoken out against your anti-gay laws, like Jimmy Buffett, who by the way, hasn’t had a real hit since 1977. You’ll still be able to see Cyndi Lauper, who had a massive hit in 1983 and Greg Allman will still perform and I’m sure you’ll sing along with his hit “Ramblin’ Man” from 1973. Sounds to me you welcome the old acts. Next it’ll be “The Spinners”, not the singing act but the guy that spins plates on sticks, whose last big gig was on the “Ed Sullivan Show.”

6a00d83452e38069e2017ee9020961970d

This summer look for an action packed replacement Concert Calender North Carolina.
                         — Rock out to “Bruce Springstern”, a very “serious” cover band.
                         — Then “Bingo Stars” will be drumming on fresh deer hide stretched over 50 gallon oil drums” Like the Blue Man Group but with a twinge of “Hillbilly”
                         — For all old North Carolina men, it’s the must see replacement Miley Cyrus concert….. Just a stripper.

miley-cyrus-1-800

Don’t cry Circus fans, replacing the amazing Circus du Soleil there’s “Billy Bob’s Armadillo and Flea Circus.” The kids will be itching to go to that one.
   We can’t forget what North Carolina is known for, Comedy. This summer and all through the year, you’ll be treated to entertainments best Comedians. All the laughs will be supplied by the politicians you voted for.

audience-laughing_3068752b

2016 called and they want you to join in North Carolina. Until then “Hey Get Off My Lawn”

 

Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Speaker, Author)

Get Off Of My Promo Pic400x300

 

The Razor Blade Made Radio

Razor-Blades__74514_zoom   The little razor blade played a big part in radio broadcasting. DJ’s, Production and News people, pretty well everybody at the radio station, had a use for this tiny sharpie. During the 20’s and right up to the 50’s it wasn’t used much but through the 60’s through to the 90’s it was a mainstay in radio studios everywhere. One of the main uses of the razor blade was editing taped interviews, songs, commercials and oh, so much more.

   Working with just the ear and a grease pencil one could become very adept at almost seeing sound on the audio tape.

E1_10_0

   In the hippy era DJ’s had long hair, very unshaven proving we were cool, but we still had to go out and do live broadcasts from an advertisers location (doing a “remote”). Management and or the radio salesman would hand you a hint, before you went out saying “Clean up your act!”

safetyrazor

   Then there was the all important “Show Prep” for announcers in the 60’s and on. “Show Prep happened before a shift or sometimes during, usually during an album cut like “Inna-A-Godda-Davida.”

Photo-13-Cut-off-the-Leaves-P1010012

   Being an announcer back in the day meant that you had to exist on Mac & Cheese and if you wanted to splurge…wieners. When you brought leftovers to work the next day, to spice things up a bit, the razor blade came in handy.

Razor Onion

   There were those special days at the radio station when record reps would drop by. They’d want you to play their latest act. The reps always had goodies like key chains, tee-shirts, free albums to hand out to the staff and management. Announcers loved all these incentives. It was always amazing that an act could become a mega group, just for a keychain or a something where a razor blade was needed.

5207486_f520

   Announcers thought they knew what the listener wanted and management thought they knew what the listener wanted, thus there were some disagreements. Like when the Top 40 Station Manager or Program Director heard an announcer play something that wasn’t on the playlist or just didn’t like a song…the razor blade came into use one more time.

cheech-chong-lp-scratched-up

   Some might not know how the lowly razor blade helped personality radio from the 50’s through the 90’s but as you can see it did. For those that worked in radio during that time you know it was a lot of FUN. It was the best job you could have with a Grade 12 education.
Radio has lost a lot of face but we now see that “Personality Radio” is alive and well with its shift to the internet. Good on ya, keep up the great work. As for the “Razor Blade” well it’s gone back to saving faces. Gonna miss ya little buddy!

Bryan Cox ( Radio Host, Speaker, Comic and Author)

Get Off Of My Promo Pic400x300