After months and months of nauseous, continuous coverage of Clinton and Trump, most folks want it to be over. So when it is actually over, this begs the question, what then for Donald Trump?
The Top 8 things Donald Trump Will Do After The Election.
—He’ll hold gender sensitivity seminars for NFL Players.
—You remember you were told, when a boy hits or bullies you, it means he’s hot for you? The Donald will divorce and marry again. Happy Happy wedding day Megyn Kelly.
—Donald Trump could start up a luggage line, selling Bags of Deplorables.
—Mr. Trump will become buddies with more of Russia’s leadership. You can never have enough “Red Ties.”
—Rumour has it, He’ll record a new version of the Johnny Cash hit… “A Boy Named, I’ll Sue”
—Watch for the launch of Trump TV. He’ll put the Trump twist on some of the top rating getters like, “Orange is the New Trump”, “The Walking Trump”, Game of Trump Thrones” and so on.
— Don’t miss “The Donald Trump Hockey School.” This is where you’ll learn to, skate on taxes.
—The Donald will start up an on-line Men’s Discount Club called, “Grope-On.”
Just a few suggestions and thoughts for Mr. Trump if things don’t go your way in this election. For me, I’d like both candidates, “Off My Lawn”
Saying the print media is fair and impartial today is like having a Kardashian get upset with the paparazzi.
What is happening people? I spent about 30 years in the radio and TV industries and when it came to politics we were always told to show both sides of a story. In Radio and TV, if you watch or listen long enough, you might see what side that network tends to “dress” to. Sure you’ve got certain hosts that are right or left, but very rarely do you have an entire network come out and endorse one candidate or the other. We were always told that if you were going to do a story on Politics, Religion, Sex or even that accident at the corner, just report the facts and as enticing as it may be, keep your personal opinions to yourself.
Newspapers are a big part of the media landscape, whether online or printed. They’ve been around longer than radio or TV and were the source of news for hundreds of years. They too were always told to keep things impartial. The *trusted and fair* print media, has really started to piss me off. It seems they’ve gone over the edge from having a few slanted opinion articles to a full blown voter convince-a-thon. The New York and LA Times along many more are actually coming out and endorsing one Presidential Candidate over the other. Even the National Enquirer has done an endorsement.
Newspapers have an editorial board made up of big boss company executives, opinion writers and editors. They ask each candidate questions and if they all agree with the answers the newspaper endorses a candidate. So it comes down to if the movers and shakers in the company like it, that’s the law of the land. The newsroom is separate and is to keep a impartial view of the candidates. We live in a time where newspaper business is hanging on by a thread. Just maybe, the “impartial” newsroom journalists are trying to figure out how to keep their job? This kind of reminds me of what every parent has said to their kid, “If everyone jumps off a bridge…are you going to jump off a bridge.?”
People want to make up their own minds and not have you tell them how to vote. Now that you have shown bias, how can the public trust reporting? What’s next for newspapers? I was thinking that there might be a few other endorsements that they’ve have missed,
Puritanism … the only true religion. Join us for the NY Times endorsed witch burning in Times Square.
Kim Jong Un like Hitler… just a misunderstood guy with a cool haircut.
Sex…The LA Times endorses the Roger Ailes and Bill Cosby NFL “Sensitivity to Women” seminar.
Most people make up their minds on who they’re going vote for from information supplied by the media. I praise the newspapers that have come out and stopped endorsing political candidates. That list is growing every election cycle. For the newspapers that think it’s their civic duty and still endorse, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.”
Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Speaker and Author)
Remember the good old days when a Happy Meal toy would only cause your child to choke and gag a bit? McDonalds are recalling 33 million Chinese made, “Step-It” fitness trackers that were the toy in the “Happy Meal”. The reason is, they tend to burn and or give heat related rashes to the children that wear them.
McDonalds was trying to show a corporate image that they care about obesity in children, by getting kids up and moving. Intentions were good with that. Really though, a child will become obese if they are bed ridden in the burn ward. On the other hand, they might lose weight by not eating as much only using their one good hand because the other is wrapped in bandages.
This is just another example of corporate greed. Let’s get a really cheap product made in China and give it away. My guess is that Corporations like McDonalds haven’t learned from recalls of toys like Barbie and Polly Pocket, pet foods, milk powder, tires, paint and now Step-It fitness trackers. All have caused death or serious injury. If you want to stay a away from a swirling PR cesspool nightmare, give your head a shake, Chinese products SUCK!
It’s time Corporations like McDonalds and many others, show the customer, not the shareholder, that they care about them. To McDonalds, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.” Cook burgers, NOT CHILDREN.
Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and Speaker)
Now with my tongue planted securely in my cheek, I shall continue.
Video games, movies and TV have been blamed for teaching violence. How many times have we heard in the wake of a tragic event, “It was a movie that gave him that idea.” People get ideas about the most sick things from media or maybe playing a Beatles album backwards.
Now, GM is walking a very thin line when it comes to giving the sick…ideas. Is it just me that finds this creepy, but have you seen the TV commercial where an older man is inviting kids to play a video game then tells them to get in a GM vehicle because it has free Wi-Fi and everyone can play? The reason I explained the commercial is because as soon as GM reads this they’ll take this video off of YouTube.
We all know the reasoning behind the spot. Get kids to tell their parents to buy GM because of Wi-Fi.
Parents have never been more vigilant about protecting their kids from the sick and perverted in our society.
I guess that GM has moved the perverts into a new age with free Wi-Fi. No longer will they use the old ploys, “Hey kid, I have this lost puppy” or “Do you want some candy?” Now parents will have to watch out for this….
Come on GM get with the program and find another way to promote free Wi-Fi in your vehicles. Until then, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”
Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Stand-Up and Speaker)
You know when someone tells you a joke that you’ve heard a million times before, your mind zones out. You don’t hear any of it, all you’re doing is dying for the end and then you politely laugh. Or you stop the joke teller, like 4 sec into the joke with “Oh, I’ve heard that one before.”
The same holds true for commercials. Radio or TV it doesn’t matter. With the advent of digital media the audience attention span has really shortened. On the internet you approximately 4 secs before your audience is gone. So if a page on your website or a video loads slowly, you’ve lost them. If you run the same commercial for a month, day in and day out, your audience gets tired of it and zones out. Any married woman can tell you,”I keep telling my husband over and over and over, it’s like he never hears me! It’s called “Listener Fatigue.”
Ad agencies, radio and TV sales people won’t tell you this. Remember they want to make a sale. They make their money on the time of day and how many times your commercial airs. Was they will tell you is that thousands will hear your commercial. But how many will be bored with it by the 5th playing? They rarely think of what the audience sees and hears. Yes, your commercial. This is the bread and butter to help your business succeed.
It’s time the ad, radio and TV people get off the pot and tell clients the truth. Repetition is not the way to go, but a new fresh message is.
There are few companies that keep their message fresh. Off the top of my head on the TV side, Geico and Canadian Tire come to mind. I’m sure you can think of a few more. As a company and if you’re planning an ad campaign, keep it fresh. This goes for TV networks, OMG, change up your promos once and awhile.
Most agencies would sell a client one over priced spot. Radio stations will sell them one spot as well. Radio also tell the client that they’ll produce it for free. WOW, what an offer. Yes, that commercial will be read by the guy you hear on 30 other spots. Oh, that’ll make your spot stand out. It would be like trying to find Donald Trump in a field of Egos. Here’s a hint, use a voice that isn’t normally heard in your marketplace.
I’m lucky to work with creative clients that want to do radio. Depending on the length of their campaign, I don’t ever sell them just one ad. Let’s say they’re going to advertise for 3 weeks with 5 spots per day, 2 in morning drive and 3 in afternoon drive. I do 3 spots for them under the same theme, advertising a different aspect of the sale or business. They can run a different spot for a week or rotate the 3 spots evenly over the 3 week run. These spots are listened to more and longer, because they are listener fresh. The client gets this for a price that would be half or less a big agency would charge for one commercial.
Try this Mr Business owner, the next time you are visited by a radio sales guy, ask for 3 different spots for your sale at the price you’re paying. Believe me, those guys can grind out spots in no time and it won’t take them that much longer to make you a happy camper.
In this time of down turned economies every business has to work that much harder and smarter, for a positive bottom line. It’s time that agencies, radio and TV jumped on board. Remember, clients want you to go that extra mile. Ad agencies, radio and TV sales seem to be offering less, for more money. A happy client, is a return client, and they’ll tell two friends and so on. It’s time we all got down to business and if you can’t, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”
“First in Flight” that’s what it says on North Carolina license plates. Maybe they should change that to “First to Slight.” Their draconian anti-gay laws are causing shock waves Worldwide.
Entertainers have stepped up and refused to play the State because of it. The list is growing day by day, Bruce Springsteen, Miley Cyrus, Ringo Starr even Circus du Soleil. I say, don’t worry North Carolina, there are a lot of acts out there that will keep you entertained.
Some acts haven’t cancelled but have spoken out against your anti-gay laws, like Jimmy Buffett, who by the way, hasn’t had a real hit since 1977. You’ll still be able to see Cyndi Lauper, who had a massive hit in 1983 and Greg Allman will still perform and I’m sure you’ll sing along with his hit “Ramblin’ Man” from 1973. Sounds to me you welcome the old acts. Next it’ll be “The Spinners”, not the singing act but the guy that spins plates on sticks, whose last big gig was on the “Ed Sullivan Show.”
This summer look for an action packed replacement Concert Calender North Carolina. — Rock out to “Bruce Springstern”, a very “serious” cover band. — Then “Bingo Stars” will be drumming on fresh deer hide stretched over 50 gallon oil drums” Like the Blue Man Group but with a twinge of “Hillbilly” — For all old North Carolina men, it’s the must see replacement Miley Cyrus concert….. Just a stripper.
Don’t cry Circus fans, replacing the amazing Circus du Soleil there’s “Billy Bob’s Armadillo and Flea Circus.” The kids will be itching to go to that one. We can’t forget what North Carolina is known for, Comedy. This summer and all through the year, you’ll be treated to entertainments best Comedians. All the laughs will be supplied by the politicians you voted for.
2016 called and they want you to join in North Carolina. Until then “Hey Get Off My Lawn”
Hey, Mr and Mrs America, as a Canadian sitting here in my igloo, eating moose stew with maple syrup and getting ready to go out and feed an RCMP horse, I can’t help but notice your electoral system. Speaking as an outsider, you really have some crazies using the system legally. One good thing to come out of your process is, it’s kept comedians and media commentators working, which I’m sure are reflected in the US employment numbers. I’m pretty sure your forefathers never imagined how the system could be twisted into such a circus.
If there’s accident after accident at one intersection, some form of government will put up lights or a stop sign. They change the law for that intersection. If a company can hide money and not pay taxes, the government moves to plug the loop hole. The same should hold true for your electoral system.
Let’s look at what could be done. Come on America, cut down the time it takes to pick Presidential Candidates. Let’s say 6 months tops. The way it stands now, the Kardashians could go through at least 5 marriages in the time it takes you to pick a candidate. Change your Constitution to supply the American people with a “Guarantee” for the winner of this Presidential pageant. Something like; “If for any reason, I cannot complete my term or if I do or say something utterly ridiculous, I will step down and the runner up assumes the responsibilities of President”. You could even add some rules, using Donald Trumps Miss Universe Pageant as a rough benchmark. — must be over 5 foot 3 — You must look good in a bathing suit. — remove all unwanted body hair — must not father or give birth — If mouthing off turns out to be your “talent”…out you go — If your ego is larger than the country you represent… it’s runner up time.
Common sense dictates something has to change in America. Just change the rules. You’ve even got other World leaders asking Obama, what the hell is going on. As a Canadian, I have to say that this American Election is supplying the World with lots of great conversations and a ton of laughs. So for that, I thank you. Oh, I have to go, “Hey, you damn beavers, “GET OFF MY LAWN !”
Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Comedian and Speaker)
Darren Kavinoky and I sat down and had a great chat on the radio feature “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.” Darren has been seen on CNN, HLN, Inside Edition and on his own show “Deadly Sins” on Investigation Discovery. This interview is very revealing and give you a peek at the man behind the camera. Hope you enjoy this as much as I did chatting with him.
Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and Speaker)
“Two of the greatest Hecklers of all time”–Bryan Cox
Hillary Clinton got heckled the other day. Her response was, “You’re Rude.” Ok, in my mind, that was being to nice. What the candidates need, is to hire a comedian. There is no one better to write “Heckler Handlers.” The unwritten rule for comedians, is to allow the heckler 3 shots at you, then have the person tossed out. I say to all US Presidential Candidates, don’t toss them after the first shot. Give them the same treatment they’re giving you…a little disrespect. Sure you might get into a bit of trouble for it but it would make for a nice bit on the News. As Trump can testify to, “There’s no such thing as bad press.” Here are few suggestions for all of you.
“I would like you to go to the bathroom and buy a condom…because if you’re going to be a dick, you might as well dress like one.”—Hillary
“I could come over there and just *sit* on you. I’m being nice because… I took the letter H out of that.” — Christie
“See what happens when we let Canadians in here. What happened to being polite?” — Cruz
“Well, look what rode in on the “Little Bus””. —Rubio
“This is why we should teach everything we know about birth control, to our kids.” —Carson
“You can stay, but you’re another reason a “wall” is a good idea.” —Trump
“You’re so confused you probably think Fleetwood Mac is something from McDonalds.” — Sanders
“We have something in common. My poll number seems to match your IQ number.”—Bush
“People ask me “What do you get when cousins mate?”….One, a person that believes Fox News, and the other is that person right there.”—Huckabee.
“Nice to see a person that finally has a handle on News Issues, even though it takes him 3 hours to watch “60 Minutes””— Fiorina
“Just before the speech tonight that’s the guy that stared at an orange juice container for 3 hours …because it said “concentrate”” — Kasich
Of course none of these folks actually said these lines, but maybe they should start. Any of the candidates can feel free to mix and match any of these, but all I’m saying is “please be a bit more creative” and if all else fails, look to John McCain’s line…”Hey, Get Off My Lawn”
Santa took a look at some of the new movies being offered to the public this Christmas. Needless to say, he wasn’t to happy and pulled them. Have a quick listen and here’s hoping you get a few Christmas giggles.
Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and Speaker)
Puritanism … the only true religion. Join us for the NY Times endorsed witch burning in Times Square.
Kim Jong Un like Hitler… just a misunderstood guy with a cool haircut.
Sex…The LA Times endorses the Roger Ailes and Bill Cosby NFL “Sensitivity to Women” seminar.
“I could come over there and just *sit* on you. I’m being nice because… I took the letter H out of that.” — Christie
“See what happens when we let Canadians in here. What happened to being polite?” — Cruz
Hey, Get Off My Lawn 