There’s trouble looming on The Lawn. “Hey, Get Off My Lawn” has been my radio show for the last 10 years or so. It was so amazing how NBC ABC CBS FOX CNN and more, offered interviews with all their major stars. I felt so honoured. I even went as far as to copyright the show. Ah, not far enough.
Now, there is a group called CRTV (Gaston Mooney) and Gavin McInnes that feel it’s ok to use the name, “Get Off My Lawn”. I contacted them stating that I spent 10 years and many many unpaid hours building up that name and asked them to stop using it. They told me that “copyright” did not cover the name and I should have taken out a trademark. For my part..lesson learned the hard way. I shot myself in the foot.
If the law say’s it’s ok does that necessarily make it… right? There is a human side to this whole thing. Let’s say that Gaston Mooney and Gavin McInnes were working in Germany during WWII. The law said “Turn in a Jewish Family and you’ll be rewarded.” You (CRTV) would turn in a Jewish family for your own personal gain. You wouldn’t think, that maybe, you’re ruining a persons life, a person’s livelihood and reputation. This is the human side of your actions. Oh, but the law said it was ok, so that must make it “right.”
For all of you with an Internet Property that you want to protect please look at Trademark vs Copyright. It doesn’t matter how many hours you put into it…Just Protect It. I don’t want to see you ripped off like I was. REMEMBER…There are some very unscrupulous people out there, that are ready to steal every idea you’ve put out.
In my opinion, that when CRTV’s Gaston and Gavin are in the slime bar that they drink in, they should go to the bathroom, each buy a condom and stretch it over their entire body. Because if you’re going to be a DICK, you should really dress like one.
I wish you both luck with the stolen show name Get Off My Lawn. From the original show, mine…Hey, CRTV..”Get The “FUCK” Off My Lawn!!!” If you’d like to leave a comment, I’d love it. If you’d like to send a comment to Gaston Mooney and Gavin McInnesgmooney@crtv.com
Murphy’s Law (“If anything can go wrong, it will”) was born at Edwards Air Force Base in 1949 at North Base.
It was named after Capt. Edward A. Murphy, an engineer working on Air Force Projects.
After finding a transducer was wired wrong, he cursed the technician responsible and said, “If there is any way to do it wrong, he’ll find it.”
It’s been said about Murphy’s death, “One dark evening, Mr. Murphy’s car ran out of gas. As he hitchhiked to a gas station, while facing traffic and wearing white, he was struck from behind by a British tourist who was driving on the wrong side of the road.”
Nowadays we see that Murphy’s Law is still alive and well. Here are 10 quick examples for you.
–Fill the open tray bird feeder…It will snow or rain.
–At the intersection, the guy in front of you will alway turn his signal light on as the light turns green.
–The airport washroom automatic faucet will turn off way before your finished washing your hands.
–When sending an email, you will forget “send to all.”
–The quicker you need information from the internet, is directly correlated with password memory.
–Waiting for a meal at a restaurant, you know it will arrive, just as you go outside for a smoke or go to the washroom.
–Guys, when your wife asks you to do something, you will realize that you did it wrong and it will be pointed out that there are better ways of doing it.
–When you fill your tank, the price of gas will fall the next day.
–Your cat will have puked directly in your path, as you walk out of a dark room in bare feet.
–The day that 5 hookers send you friend requests on Facebook, you wife decides to check your page.
I’ve noticed on Reality TV shows that all the contestants have some kind of back story. Some don’t. Recently on “The Voice” there has been one contestant heart wrenching story followed by an even more wrenching story. Very few contestants don’t have them…SO if you’re going to appear, and want to be a winner, on any of these shows let me help you with your back story, using “The Voice” as an example.
“I’ve always loved to sing. My Dad, whose in prison and suffering from Cancer, told me that, just before he lost a leg because of a prison riot. I was raised by my uncle in Canada. He was the front man of a well known rock group. He encouraged me to sing. Then he got cancer and played that card to make millions on his final tour. I never knew my Mom because, when I was very little, she was on a fishing trip off the coast of Newfoundland in Canada, while visiting my uncle. She fell over board and was shredded by sharks. They found pieces of her all up and down the eastern seaboard. On his death bed my uncle gave me the money to get here. To honour my Mother, I’d like sing “Little Piece of My Heart”… by Janis Joplin”
The Medical Industry is in Bed with Soft Water Companies and Opthamologists
Trips and Falls
To keep medicine rocking they need business so the soft water folks are working with them to make tubs and showers super slippery. You know what I mean if you’ve ever showered in soft water. You end up doing some kind of weird Michael Jackson dance when trying to get out or in. Just how many people that fall and injure themselves, have soft water?
Plus, they say that you should listen to your favourite song in the shower. To save water, you should be finished when the song ends. With soft water, to get that real squeaky feel to your skin like with hard water, the song should be In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida or any entire Beethoven Symphony.
Another group that add to trips and falls, especially for older folks, are the optometrists and opthamologists. These Doctors prescribe Bi-Focals which are now called “progressive lenses”. If you don’t have them, let me explain, each lens is made up with two parts, when you look through the top half of the glass you see normally. When you look through the bottom half everything looks huge, which is good for reading. The question is, do folks wearing progressive lenses fall on stairs more because they are looking through the bottom half?
These stairs must look huge. I myself, offer them to my wife when I come to bed (Wink Wink)
Big Brother is Watching???
Where I live the phone company offers a lot. They offer a TV service with a ton of channels, Phone service, Internet and even home security. So if the police want to find you or find out about you, all they have to do is make one call …to the phone company. They’ll know if you’re home or not home, who you’re talking to, what TV shows you like and what kind of porn you like.
Your DNA is Under Attack
Recently I’ve noticed a huge advertising push for DNA. If the cops were to come up to you on the street and ask for your DNA, I’m pretty sure I’d know what you’d say. If a company advertises for your DNA with an offer that they’ll tell you where you came from and what diseases you “might” get, that’s just fine. All you have to do is send them a sample of your DNA and you pay them to do that. One commercial stands out. A lady says, a lot of my friends ask me, what am I? So she sends her DNA in and finds out she’s…asian, indian and whatever. Listen, if you’ve people are coming up to you and asking what you are…you need to find a better group of “friends”, girl.
Here it is, you send you’re DNA to a company you don’t know and they send you some pie chart of fluffy information back in the mail. What then, is your DNA kept on file for law enforcement agencies? Is it being used in experiments? Is your DNA being spliced with an alien life form that they captured years before? Oh, and they have them, you know that. I’ve also found out that those DNA kits don’t make the best baby shower gift!
This was just a little finger poking fun at some of the “theories” that are out there. So watch out for Fake News because this is the kind of stuff they grab on to.
Always question never accept!
Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and humble guy)
After months and months of nauseous, continuous coverage of Clinton and Trump, most folks want it to be over. So when it is actually over, this begs the question, what then for Donald Trump?
The Top 8 things Donald Trump Will Do After The Election.
—He’ll hold gender sensitivity seminars for NFL Players.
—You remember you were told, when a boy hits or bullies you, it means he’s hot for you? The Donald will divorce and marry again. Happy Happy wedding day Megyn Kelly.
—Donald Trump could start up a luggage line, selling Bags of Deplorables.
—Mr. Trump will become buddies with more of Russia’s leadership. You can never have enough “Red Ties.”
—Rumour has it, He’ll record a new version of the Johnny Cash hit… “A Boy Named, I’ll Sue”
—Watch for the launch of Trump TV. He’ll put the Trump twist on some of the top rating getters like, “Orange is the New Trump”, “The Walking Trump”, Game of Trump Thrones” and so on.
— Don’t miss “The Donald Trump Hockey School.” This is where you’ll learn to, skate on taxes.
—The Donald will start up an on-line Men’s Discount Club called, “Grope-On.”
Just a few suggestions and thoughts for Mr. Trump if things don’t go your way in this election. For me, I’d like both candidates, “Off My Lawn”
Remember the good old days when a Happy Meal toy would only cause your child to choke and gag a bit? McDonalds are recalling 33 million Chinese made, “Step-It” fitness trackers that were the toy in the “Happy Meal”. The reason is, they tend to burn and or give heat related rashes to the children that wear them.
McDonalds was trying to show a corporate image that they care about obesity in children, by getting kids up and moving. Intentions were good with that. Really though, a child will become obese if they are bed ridden in the burn ward. On the other hand, they might lose weight by not eating as much only using their one good hand because the other is wrapped in bandages.
This is just another example of corporate greed. Let’s get a really cheap product made in China and give it away. My guess is that Corporations like McDonalds haven’t learned from recalls of toys like Barbie and Polly Pocket, pet foods, milk powder, tires, paint and now Step-It fitness trackers. All have caused death or serious injury. If you want to stay a away from a swirling PR cesspool nightmare, give your head a shake, Chinese products SUCK!
It’s time Corporations like McDonalds and many others, show the customer, not the shareholder, that they care about them. To McDonalds, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn.” Cook burgers, NOT CHILDREN.
Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Comedian, Author and Speaker)
Now with my tongue planted securely in my cheek, I shall continue.
Video games, movies and TV have been blamed for teaching violence. How many times have we heard in the wake of a tragic event, “It was a movie that gave him that idea.” People get ideas about the most sick things from media or maybe playing a Beatles album backwards.
Now, GM is walking a very thin line when it comes to giving the sick…ideas. Is it just me that finds this creepy, but have you seen the TV commercial where an older man is inviting kids to play a video game then tells them to get in a GM vehicle because it has free Wi-Fi and everyone can play? The reason I explained the commercial is because as soon as GM reads this they’ll take this video off of YouTube.
We all know the reasoning behind the spot. Get kids to tell their parents to buy GM because of Wi-Fi.
Parents have never been more vigilant about protecting their kids from the sick and perverted in our society.
I guess that GM has moved the perverts into a new age with free Wi-Fi. No longer will they use the old ploys, “Hey kid, I have this lost puppy” or “Do you want some candy?” Now parents will have to watch out for this….
Come on GM get with the program and find another way to promote free Wi-Fi in your vehicles. Until then, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”
Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Author, Stand-Up and Speaker)
You know when someone tells you a joke that you’ve heard a million times before, your mind zones out. You don’t hear any of it, all you’re doing is dying for the end and then you politely laugh. Or you stop the joke teller, like 4 sec into the joke with “Oh, I’ve heard that one before.”
The same holds true for commercials. Radio or TV it doesn’t matter. With the advent of digital media the audience attention span has really shortened. On the internet you approximately 4 secs before your audience is gone. So if a page on your website or a video loads slowly, you’ve lost them. If you run the same commercial for a month, day in and day out, your audience gets tired of it and zones out. Any married woman can tell you,”I keep telling my husband over and over and over, it’s like he never hears me! It’s called “Listener Fatigue.”
Ad agencies, radio and TV sales people won’t tell you this. Remember they want to make a sale. They make their money on the time of day and how many times your commercial airs. Was they will tell you is that thousands will hear your commercial. But how many will be bored with it by the 5th playing? They rarely think of what the audience sees and hears. Yes, your commercial. This is the bread and butter to help your business succeed.
It’s time the ad, radio and TV people get off the pot and tell clients the truth. Repetition is not the way to go, but a new fresh message is.
There are few companies that keep their message fresh. Off the top of my head on the TV side, Geico and Canadian Tire come to mind. I’m sure you can think of a few more. As a company and if you’re planning an ad campaign, keep it fresh. This goes for TV networks, OMG, change up your promos once and awhile.
Most agencies would sell a client one over priced spot. Radio stations will sell them one spot as well. Radio also tell the client that they’ll produce it for free. WOW, what an offer. Yes, that commercial will be read by the guy you hear on 30 other spots. Oh, that’ll make your spot stand out. It would be like trying to find Donald Trump in a field of Egos. Here’s a hint, use a voice that isn’t normally heard in your marketplace.
I’m lucky to work with creative clients that want to do radio. Depending on the length of their campaign, I don’t ever sell them just one ad. Let’s say they’re going to advertise for 3 weeks with 5 spots per day, 2 in morning drive and 3 in afternoon drive. I do 3 spots for them under the same theme, advertising a different aspect of the sale or business. They can run a different spot for a week or rotate the 3 spots evenly over the 3 week run. These spots are listened to more and longer, because they are listener fresh. The client gets this for a price that would be half or less a big agency would charge for one commercial.
Try this Mr Business owner, the next time you are visited by a radio sales guy, ask for 3 different spots for your sale at the price you’re paying. Believe me, those guys can grind out spots in no time and it won’t take them that much longer to make you a happy camper.
In this time of down turned economies every business has to work that much harder and smarter, for a positive bottom line. It’s time that agencies, radio and TV jumped on board. Remember, clients want you to go that extra mile. Ad agencies, radio and TV sales seem to be offering less, for more money. A happy client, is a return client, and they’ll tell two friends and so on. It’s time we all got down to business and if you can’t, “Hey, Get Off My Lawn”
Ok Canada, if you’re going to make Saskatchewan your travel destination this year, here are a few tips to help make your vacation an unforgettable experience.
GOLF…. We have some of the most challenging courses in Canada. Roughly, we golf for 3 months out of the year. For some of us it takes that long to finish a game. Saskatchewan is the easiest Province to achieve a “Hole in One”. The ball will go in the hole, but watch out, it might be a gopher hole. In our game, that’s still a hole in one.
HOOKING UP….. Saskatchewan people are super friendly. Guys, a never fail line to use if you want to meet a Saskatchewan single girl in, let’s say in a parking lot, is, “Hey, nice truck.” Ladies, meeting the perfect Saskatchewan man is a bit different. Just say, “Hey, which one of these trucks is yours, is it the one with the stereo I heard 5 blocks away?” Before you know it, both of you will be off to the Tractor Pull together.
PREPPING YOUR VEHICLE…. People in Saskatchewan will tell you, leave your snow tires on until the end of July. Good advice, take it.
DRIVING… Yes, our land is flat and our roads are straight. There is a method to this madness. The whole purpose, is so that the Government can count the amount people moving back to Sask from Alberta and Manitoba, without leaving Regina.
FITTING IN… To truly fit in you have to look like a Saskatchewan person. Your face tan should start just above the eyebrow, down to the base of the neck. This is achieved by wearing a ball cap, everywhere. The only other area that should have a tan, starts mid-bicep to the tip of the fingers. We call that “The Farmer Tan.” Guys, never refer to your spouse as, my better half, my wife or the old lady. Always call her “The Wife.”
NIGHTLIFE… People in the Province love going out to restaurants. After all, the word “Chew” is in “Saskatchewan”. Leave that custom made suit or designer dress at home. Ask yourself what the locals ask themselves, “Can I wear jeans? Or do I have to dress up… in my good jeans?” The “Ball Cap” with a John Deere logo is always considered a great accessory.
POLITICS… To let you know, The Saskatchewan Party is in power here. As you can tell they must have stayed up all night to come up with that party name. Things don’t change to much here. The Sask Party has been the Government since 2007.
TIME… Like the Government, it doesn’t change. As the rest of Canada wastes time trying to figure out, is it an hour ahead or behind, we in Saskatchewan don’t change our clocks. Some call us “The Land Time Forgot.”
Saskatchewan isn’t the “you can watch your dog run away for three days” Province. We have a lot to offer the vacation traveller. Our people are fun and have huge hearts. Safe travels and watch out for deer and moose and if you think Saskatchewan is boring… “Hey, Get Off My Lawn!”
Bryan Cox (Radio Host, Speaker, Author and Stand-Up Comic)
“First in Flight” that’s what it says on North Carolina license plates. Maybe they should change that to “First to Slight.” Their draconian anti-gay laws are causing shock waves Worldwide.
Entertainers have stepped up and refused to play the State because of it. The list is growing day by day, Bruce Springsteen, Miley Cyrus, Ringo Starr even Circus du Soleil. I say, don’t worry North Carolina, there are a lot of acts out there that will keep you entertained.
Some acts haven’t cancelled but have spoken out against your anti-gay laws, like Jimmy Buffett, who by the way, hasn’t had a real hit since 1977. You’ll still be able to see Cyndi Lauper, who had a massive hit in 1983 and Greg Allman will still perform and I’m sure you’ll sing along with his hit “Ramblin’ Man” from 1973. Sounds to me you welcome the old acts. Next it’ll be “The Spinners”, not the singing act but the guy that spins plates on sticks, whose last big gig was on the “Ed Sullivan Show.”
This summer look for an action packed replacement Concert Calender North Carolina. — Rock out to “Bruce Springstern”, a very “serious” cover band. — Then “Bingo Stars” will be drumming on fresh deer hide stretched over 50 gallon oil drums” Like the Blue Man Group but with a twinge of “Hillbilly” — For all old North Carolina men, it’s the must see replacement Miley Cyrus concert….. Just a stripper.
Don’t cry Circus fans, replacing the amazing Circus du Soleil there’s “Billy Bob’s Armadillo and Flea Circus.” The kids will be itching to go to that one. We can’t forget what North Carolina is known for, Comedy. This summer and all through the year, you’ll be treated to entertainments best Comedians. All the laughs will be supplied by the politicians you voted for.
2016 called and they want you to join in North Carolina. Until then “Hey Get Off My Lawn”
These stairs must look huge. I myself, offer them to my wife when I come to bed (Wink Wink)
Hey, Get Off My Lawn 